The Internet Monk 

"the power of opinion, the phenomenon of speech, the impact of truth"

A Webjournal edited by Michael Spencer

The Biggest Sap in Vermont

by Michael Spencer

Where can I register to vote in Vermont, so I can enjoy voting for a man who embodies the principles of the Democratic party like Jim Jeffords, Vermont Senator and political Benedict Arnold. (No, that's too good for Jeffords. He's simply a liberal crybaby. Arnold at least had mercenary principles.)

Gee Senator, we hear you didn't get invited to a White House ceremony because you wouldn't support the President on taxes. Awwwwww- you poor baby. What a cryin' shame. Why don't you just pick up your ball and go home? If the big kids are going to hurt your feelings, you just don't have to play those big kid games.

Maybe the Democrats will offer you a committee chairmanship or some other toy to come out and play with them. (Vermonters, you must be so proud. What principle!) And look, here come the Republicans with some toys, too. Who will he choose? Maybe Jim will choose whoever wants to give him the most toys! (What a patriot, Vermonters! What an American!)

And did I hear that your little meeting with the President didn't go very well? Poor Jimmy. It was "uncomfortable." Did that big mean man call you names? Well here's a sucker. (Actually a few thousand suckers, one for every Vermont sap who voted for you.)

You'll LOVE playing with the Democrats, Jimmy. They don't like to be bothered with what the voters want either. They like to play like you do. The game is all about them- not about America. I mean, hey, who cares about America when Jim Jeffords can be the most popular kid on the block!

Someone said you are going to declare yourself an "independent" and then caucus and vote with the Democrats. Is there some reason you aren't just becoming a Democrat? A sudden attack of principle? Shrug it off, Jim. You gotta do it your way. Call yourself a martian if you want. This is YOUR job after all.

Now let's see. If you desert the GOP, that will cripple the President and throw Congress into gridlock. That sure sounds like fun! And you did it all yourself. That's got to be satisfying. And, of course, there will be interviews and television shows and magazine articles and a great editorial in the New York Times. I'm surprised more people don't do this. What's wrong with that Zell Miller guy staying with his party even when he disagrees with them? Now that's stupid. What a loser that guy is.

You'll probably get big hugs from Dashle, Gephardt, Jackson, Sharpton, Gore and both Clintons. That's gotta be a thrill. Get some pictures for the folks at home! (And be sure and wipe your nose- there's something brown on it.)

Now listen Jim, don't let those nasty comments coming from conservatives make you feel bad. Consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds. Besides, you can switch back next year. Hey, you could do this a whole bunch of times and get a lot more gifts.

I heard you are thinking about running for governor of the great State of Vermont. You would make a super governor. You've got that bipartisan thing down pat. You could be a Democrat one day, and Republican the next. Hey, given that this is Vermont, you could be gay one day and straight the next. Don't be limited. Branch out.

Well, this is a short article Senator, but I guess I've said all there is to say. I've decided to turn the Monk into a liberal paper next week, as a matter of principle of course. I don't want my readers to think I actually have any. (You're my hero!)

Michael@internetmonk.com                                                                             Post a Comment