Just
Pull Your Pants Up!
Our man in the public schools is on the edge
by Steve McFarland
There
are many
issues in our world worthy of discussion, and many problems that need
to be solved. We are dealing with a very difficult issue in Iraq.
We
have the gay marriage debate in full swing. We have anti-semitism
issues surrounding Mel Gibson's controversial movie. Janet
Jackson's
career seems on the line, Anna Nicole keeps struggling to lose weight
and Barry Bonds is trying to gain. These are big issues that
demand
big solutions.
But my big issue is a simple one. Can someone please get these teenage boys that I deal with every day to pull their #@%& pants up? I've seen more butts, boxers and Fruit of the Looms than I ever wanted to and I am tempted to completely go off on the next kid I see sagging. I saw a guy walking in front of my house the other day sagging so bad I was certain the pants would be around his ankles in a few more steps. I almost took him out in my car, but I came to my senses just in time. I am officially a loose cannon about to pull an angry white man stunt on the next punk who moons me.
Where did this all begin and why is this thing still around? I really don't care where it came from. I'm certain it had to do with some rapper fashion going way back to the early 90's or before. I don't know who is responsible for this blessing, but I am tempted to reunite an old group Mr. Spencer himself is familiar with and take such matters into my own hands. (Years ago, as we tried to disciple teenagers, we fantasized about starting the “Vengeance of God Prayer Group” -VGPG for short- a ministry that would simply eliminate people on the enemy's side. Forget praying for these characters - just take them out!!!)
Why the style of sagging is still around is the issue at hand. More importantly, will it ever leave? Ten plus years of any style is enough. I am dealing with middle school students who I am convinced have never pulled their pants over their backsides and have never owned or known how to wear a belt. Recently, I dealt with a new student in our school who was absolutely against our dress code (which is rather strict for a public school and prohibits sagging or untucked shirts while requiring all students wear belts). I assisted him in getting the right clothes, including a belt, and watched in amazement as he struggled to pull them to his waist. It was as if I were asking him to comb his hair a different way or making him eat spinach for the first time. He could not pull his pants up. It was amazing. Ten minutes later his pants were not only sagging but he had somehow broken his belt. Calling the VGPG! Somebody get this kid quick because McFarland is about to go postal.
It is tempting to analyze this problem with the conclusion that it is the modern youth culture's attempt at rebellion. Whereas youth marched on Washington and protested Vietnam in the 60's, today our children simply pull their pants down. I can hear the psychologists saying we need to help them deal with their anger - allow them to express themselves and they will grow out of it in a healthy, normal way. Baloney! Just pull their freaking pants up and they can punch me in the face if they're mad. I think I'd like that better. Just don't make me and my daughter see your ugly bum while spending time at the mall.
I'm sick to death of hearing about the anger of our young people and how they've been so mistreated and neglected that these rebellions should be expected. To the contrary: this is the most privileged generation in history. They have more opportunity, more leisure time, easier standards, less work, and more stuff than anyone - ever. All we ask as adults who are giving them this easy life is to say thank you now and again, and PULL YOUR PANTS UP!
I've heard recently of some rather innovative ways schools are dealing with the sagging problem. One school I'm aware of actually connects belt loops together with a combination lock if a student is sagging without a belt. They must wear the lock until the end of the day. One school uses plastic connectors that must be cut off with wire cutters. Schools have taken to using rope to hold pants up. Others will assign Saturday school, detention, and place students in “in-house suspension”. The bottom line is teachers and administrators are spending too much time trying to get students to simply pull their pants up. It's ridiculous.
What we really need to do is pay several rap artists huge amounts of money to set a new style. Let's pay these guys to pull their pants up and wear a belt in their next music video. That may be our only hope to end the insanity.
The only other alternative is the VGPG.
Any takers?
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