I’ve always had a thing about ugly rock stars. Tom Petty. Bob Dylan. That guy in The Cars. The drummer in Cheap Trick. Willie Nelson. Ugly men. Seriously ugly.
Do you remember Dave Roever, the preacher who had most of his face blown off in Vietnam? I loved watching that guy work an audience.
One of my fellow staff members had a horrific gun accident years ago, and is seriously damaged. Watching students and staff encounter him for the first time is always interesting. He has a great sense of humor about it all that cracks me up, and I truly am in awe of his contentment in Jesus.
And let me get in here. I’m an ugly guy. You have to put a pork chop around my neck for the dog to come to me. I look like Johnny Bench if he’s spent his entire life in a buffet.
I can’t use the “u” word about women, but if I could, Susan Boyle would be a candidate, especially in her original, pre-makeover condition. (Courtney Love. Madonna. You know.)
Appalachia has a lot of ugly people. We produce a bumper crop of them, and you’ll find plenty of them in church, in Gospel singing groups and on local Christian TV. They’re ugly and unashamed. They aren’t here to sell their looks, but to testify about their Lord.
Southeastern Kentucky hasn’t yet heard the axiom that most of evangelicalism lives by: Keep the beautiful people up front and the ugly people out of sight.
Good looking hunky preacher boys. Gorgeous- and nicely presented- babe-ettes on those worship teams. Authors, speakers, teachers: good lookin’ and keep ’em looking better all the time. (Thank God for modern enhancements of the human body. Amen?)
Every see an ad for an evangelical church? Any Tom Pettys or Susan Boyles on that commercial?
Church web site? Oh my. Don’t use your own people. Use professional models. I want my senior adults to look like the happy consumers of various enhancement products. Smile Bob! Your hair may be gray, but the rest of you is 25.
Get us some cute kids. And Hollywood idol youth groupies. Get that worship leader who looks like Ryan Seacrest, and make sure the pastor’s wife is as hot as Victoria Osteen.
And Contemporary Christian Music? Susan Boyle types….your phone is NOT ringing.
No, evangelicalism may not come out and say it, but God really does seem to prefer his people looking good. I’m sure someone in Tulsa has a DVD series about this.
Fat people- you’re gluttons and in rebellion. You’re a bad witness because your sins are hanging over your belt.
Old and worn out. Get thee to a nursing home service.
Just ugly. Homely? Not much to look at? In need of several makeovers? Poorly dressed? Hair not good? Unkempt and a bit scuffed up? We’re glad for you to have a seat, tithe and applaud. Otherwise, stay out of range of the television camera.
I like churches with ugly people. I may not like much about Appalachian religion, but I like the fact that if Susan Boyle showed up, she could march to the front and sing, testify and even go on TV to tell what the Lord had done for her. If the Lord left her homely, it wouldn’t descredit her a bit.
We’re pathetic on this score. We’ve got Jesus building a church of the buff and the buffed; the tanned (at what an hourly rate?) and the fit; the slim, the well dressed, the vain, the hot, the sexy and the extremely attractive.
The ugly people are down at the inner city Pentecostal church. You might want to go there.
Yes, you might.