October 18, 2017

The Punchline

Many of you who read my post on Sunday night have been kind enough to ask about my health, encouraging me to get to the doctor for a follow-up. One of my close friends even said, “See? All of those people on iMonk are telling you to go to doctor. You need to listen to them.” I was told to especially listen to Pattie for some reason.

Our own First Lady Denise Spencer sent me a very angry note—well, a very kind note with a picture of an angry nurse—urging me to get my backside to the doctor without delay. So I did. I went to see Ol’ Sawbones yesterday and told him of my fun ride in the ambulance on Saturday, but he had already heard about it. (Tulsa is not that big, but still…) He agreed that what I am suffering is most likely not an effect from the medications I have been taking. We talked about three things it might possibly be: TIAs, or mini-strokes; a problem with my carotid artery; and anxiety.

For the TIA possibility, he is setting me up with a trip to a neurologist. To look at the carotid, he wants me to have a Doppler x-ray on my neck. (Looking for tornadoes?) And for the anxiety, he put me on a low dose of some anti-anxiety pill whose side effects are the exact symptoms I am already dealing with! Oh, you have got to love medical science.

My doctor is a very good and thorough doctor. He is wanting to find the cause of the weakness, dizziness and numbness I have been dealing with. Please pray he has wisdom in all of this. And that he can put up with me a little bit longer.

I will continue the series on the Naked Emperor tomorrow, but until then … In my post on Sunday I said something about a joke, a joke that was not even a complete joke at the time, but nevertheless many of you have been wanting to hear the punchline. So, without further ado …

A young earth creationist, an evangelical megachurch pastor, and an iMonk walk into a bar. The YEC says to the bartender, “I believe the earth was created in six literal twenty-four hour days. If you don’t believe that way, I don’t think you can be a Christian.”

The megachurch pastor said, “I believe that if you will give God your best, then God will give you his best in return.”

The bartender looked at the iMonk and said, “So? What do you believe?”

The iMonk thought for a minute, then another minute, then one minute more before saying, “Well, I believe …”

Oh look, I’m going to let you all supply the punchline. There might even be a prize in it for the best submission. Strike up your funny bones, iMonks, and finish this joke for all of us.

Comments

  1. …I’ll have a Guinness.”

  2. …I’ll have round of Maker’s Mark for each of my friends here. Make that two rounds.

  3. …He created the earth and thereby gave us His best but I need my bunch of iMonks to discuss how much time it took Him, where the fine line resides between prosperity gospel and a generous Lord and when to exactly go to a doctor when I am too stubborn to receive His blessings through a fellow human.

  4. I didnt drink the koolaid.

  5. Jeff….SOOOO glad to hear that you are getting checked out. I will sleep better tonight. Even if there is an issue, it is treatable. As Christians, we seek the truth, even if it makes us pause and change.

    Thanks for listening…..I am a all-too-lukewarm Christ-follower who is being led by this community and the writings of Brennan Manning. I am weak and learning,

    BUT….

    I have been blessed with the brains, training, experience and “sixth sense” to be a pretty darned good nurse. (At the risk of being immodest, I actually am a nursing instructor. Teaching others had made me sharpen my skills and ability to “splain things!) So I don’t care if it was me or the peer pressure or your Guardian Angel getting you to take this seriously, I am glad we can get you whole and healthy!

  6. . . . that whoever wins the argument pays for the drinks.

  7. I believe the Creator God of Genesis, to whom I give my best, wants me to have the best cold one on the house…

    Jeff, glad to hear your under the care of a good doctor. You’re i my thoughts and prayers

    Daisey

  8. …that I have to continue taking both of you seriously, even though you ruined my life with all your issues, and even though your presence in this bar demonstrates your lack of integrity. Because otherwise, I’d be a liberal atheist like this bartender here. Hey–written any bad books lately?

  9. The I-Monker says, “well I believe that we are all three dead and have gone to heaven. The reason I believe that is my YEC friend walked into a bar and didn’t even notice or care. The 2nd reason is tI can see this is the”BEST” bar I have ever been in, so I think my second friend might be right. And thirdly if this is the best bar in heaven then I am going to go sit in the corner over there with my friend Michael Spencer and have a pint of whatever he’s drinking.”

  10. “I’ll have a Margarita on the rocks. And quit serving them the koolaid.”

    BTW. Do what the doctor says and get better.

  11. I think the iMonker is actually the designated driver.

  12. David Cornwell says:

    “…I’ll have a Guinness.”

    After getting the Guinness, he says nothing, brings out his prayer book, and enters into a period of contemplative prayer (sipping his Guinness as he prays). He doesn’t answer for a long long time, but then with marvelous clarity…

  13. “….. that this is my round.”

  14. josh s blake says:

    …that we don’t have to be absolutely right to be absolutely loved by God. Do you have Flat Tire on tap?

  15. textjunkie says:

    Geez, the first thing that crossed my mind was “I believe I’ll have another drink.” Do we all think alike, or what? 😉

  16. One more Mike says:

    “… those guys followed me in here by mistake.”

  17. Paul Davis says:

    These two need drinks that come with pretty umbrella’s, and a toy. I on e other hand will have a shot of whiskey and a dose of good old fashioned common sense.

    Cheers….

  18. Dan Crawford says:

    How about, “Well, I believe.”

  19. I LOVE these responses! You folks are funny and fun.

  20. Love this post….but will someone please ask the witch-that-could-be-a-nurse to stop STARING at us ????

    Creeps…

    • hey.. maybe SHE needs a Guinness.

      • Honey….ALL nurses need a Guinness AND a valium…..but God gets us thru instead!!!

        • Both an older brother Pat, and a sister Blanche, are nurses (Blanche is a nurse practitioner: that’s worthy of even stronger “help”). I’ve heard some stories…

  21. The iMonk thought for a minute, then another minute, then one minute more before saying, “Well, I believe my YEC friend here will be having a Creative Chaos with a Biblebelt chaser; my megachurch pastor friend will be having a Moneytrain with a Happy Ender chaser; and I believe I will be having a Monk’s Hood followed by a Monastery Coffee. One other thing, you need to verify the age of the YEC’r at the end of the bar & the megachurch pastor is buying…”

  22. “…I’ll have a pint of your finest.” 🙂

  23. Randy Thompson says:

    “Well, I believe. . .

    . . . that God already gave us His best, and that’s good enough for me, and, whether he knew it or not, God created Darwin.”

    A Bass Ale, please.

  24. … “I believe these other two gentlemen are not wearing any clothes! Please call the cops!”

  25. …that both of you owe me a drink.