The Kids Are All Right: Ten Gift Ideas For A Fundamentalist Young Person Near You
December 9, 2008 by iMonk
Reverend Billy says “Stop Shopping! Your consumerism is out of control!”
And the iMonk says “Give that fundamentalist young person near you a Christmas to remember…..and their pastor a reason to blow a wicket.”
(BTW, I don’t just mean any fundamentalist young person. I mean that young person who is stuck in a fundamentalist church, youth program or school, and they just don’t fit in. They’re different. You can look at this kid and tell that he/she isn’t buying it all. They’re skeptical. They’re thinking and questioning. Yes, they’ve been subjected to the youth revivals, youth camps, Gothard-ite mind control techniques, Dobson parenting principles and some whack job’s infant feeding schedule plan for producing a compliant kid….and none of it has worked. This kid has the wrong music on his/her ipod. The hair’s looking rebellious. There’s some comic tucked away in their backpack. They’re cruisin’ some websites that would send their youth minister into exorcism mode. Yes, THAT kid. That kid that needs some mentoring, some light, some message in a bottle that there’s something on the other side of Christianity than what’s been foisted on him/her.)
So, here’s Ten Gift Ideas For a Fundamentalist Young Person Near You:
1. A set of fantasy books that would get the label “Dangerous!” by the literature haters in their world. I suggest Susan Cooper’s The Dark Is Rising series.
2. Dinner at the restaurant of their choice, on you, on the condition they ask you 20 questions they couldn’t ask at their church/school/youth group without getting in trouble.
3. A digital tape recorder where they can give their honest reactions to all the sermons and talks they hear. They are allowed to question everything and to even do imitations of the preacher.
4. A free trip to the oldest, most ornate Catholic, Anglican, Lutheran or Orthodox church in town, followed by a free explanation of the concept of “mystery.”
5. A stack of books by former fundamentalists. Start with Frank Schaefer’s Calvin Becker Trilogy. (Be cautious here. When the young person discovers there are others who’ve thought and felt the same dangerous feelings, the reaction could be volatile.)
6. An ESV Study Bible, a Moleskine journal, Ryken’s Bible Handbook and any five books from Tom Wright’s “Everyone” series of commentaries.
7. The entire back issue library of the original Wittenberg Door when it was edited by Rice and Yaconelli. I know this is a bit dated, but it’s still powerful treatment for fundamentalism. The current online version can be helpful, but the Yaconelli input is crucial.
8. Depending on the age of your recepient, a selection of 5 DVDs they are not allowed to watch according to the fundamentalists in charge. OR allow the student to destroy any 15 Christian music CDs or Christian movies he’s been forced to keep in his collection. Films may not include any titles endorsed by Focus on the Family.
9. An evening at your home, with 10 non-Christian friends of their choice, for pizza, movies, games, music, etc. Church, religion and the Bible may not be mentioned under penalty of expulsion. The only game that can be played involves playing Praise and Worship music, but allowing people to shout whatever comes into their head during the songs.
10. A trip to an art gallery (with nudes), a museum (not creationist) and a secular music venue to hear somebody who will never, ever, ever be on K-Love.
You may add to the list:
I was just wondering if I get a prize for leaving the 100th comment.
Has anyone mentioned cartoons? (I haven’t read all the comments.) I grew up in the 80’s which was a golden age of cartooning. So for a rebellious church kid I would recommend any anthologies of:
Calvin and Hobbes
The Far Side
Bloom County (which had a great “Moral Majority” character)
Petra – I’m happy somebody mentioned Father Brown – certainly helped me. But nobody mentioned PG Wodehouse yet!
Ah cartoons! Give’em Asterix!
By the way, iMonk, how did you know there was full frontal nudity in Life of Brian? Huh? Huh?
Of course, that led to a great scene:
Brian: “You’re all individuals!”
Crowd: “Yes, we’re all individuals!”
Brian: “You’re all different!”
Crowd: “Yes, we’re all different!”
Brian: “You can all think for yourselves!”
Crowd: “Yes, we can all think for ourselves!”
Brian: “Exactly!”
Crowd: “Tell us more! Tell us more!”
We don’t even need to get secular. You should have seen my dad’s reaction when I came home with a Stryper tape.
Denver girl could very well be my sister, just so you know
Also, her suggestion of hanging at the Scum church could lead to piercings, multiple tattoos, and time spent with Craig Bloomberg. I think she wins.
Bob Sacramento–Your prize is “The Lottery” by Shirley Jackson. That one got my attention when I was in grade school…50 years ago.
And definitely Astrix and The Far Side. My MK grandchildren are reading them now.
Take your kid out to the pool for mixed bathing? Two piece mixed bathing? Man that didn’t happen when I was kid @ camp in TX. And that ungodly magazine Nat’l Geo? My grandmother use to have it laying around her house when I was kid. But her being a good Nazarene, she used a Sharpie and gave all the 3rd worlders clothes! Thankfully I never had to see grandma in a two piece! LOL
Probably not his kind of music, but I recommend Rich Mullins album The World as Best as I Remember It, Vol. 1. The lyrics to “Jacob and 2 Women” will blow anyone away.
I hate to endorse hippie stuff, but a viewing of “Harold and Maude” could do wonders. Same with “Rushmore.”
This is terrible! It’s not your right. This isn’t funny at all, undermining the authority of parents to control the lives and minds of their children for Jesus. Shame!
Just kidding. How about:
-A Buddha statue
-The Tao Te Jing
-Something by the Dali Lama
-A Ganesha statue
How about Candide by Voltaire? My pastor gave that to me when I was 17.
You all are giving me a real education. I had never heard of Landover Baptist before. I’d heard of Bill Gothard but knew nothing of him until I googled him. I even homeschool and I’d never heard of him. What a freak!
Can’t believe no-one mentioned Harry Potter. The full boxed set for the kids, and a Harry Potter-themed homeschool curriculum for the parents (I’v e heard of them though it’s probably not official)
Dune and Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (1st 3 books of each series)
Since it’s Christmas, give them a copy of “Mistletoe and Wine” by the Mediaeval Baebes
On the more serious side, ask them what they’d be if they weren’t a Christian – and let them know you aren’t going to keel over in shock if they tell you Buddhist/Wiccan/atheist.
Ask them why they are a Christian – is it because it’s what they were raised to be, or have they really decided they believe it? (I went through this when I was eleven; “Hmmm – if Protestants don’t believe what Catholics believe, why am I Catholic?” and I did a thought-experiment kinda thing along the lines of “Okay, let me pretend I don’t believe…” and came out the other end going “No, I do believe it, and not just because everyone around me tells me to.”)
The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galazy was originally a BBC radio production, which blows away any and all other incarnations in various media. Get the original, all others are cheap imitations.
I have to tell a brief story, because it does relate and several have mentioned monty, cigars and beer.
In 1997 I put together a “men’s retreat” for a select group of forward-thinking Evangelical men in the UP of Michigan.
On Friday night, to unwind, socialize etc. I had a Monty Python movie marathon, beers and cigars. We had a wonderful time. We laughed until we puked. We were standing around the kitchen sink at 1 AM doing dishes while singing in harmony the “Every Sperm is Sacred” song, like a barbershop quartet. It was the most fun I had had in over a decade.
For the following morning, we were going to sleep in until about 9 AM then go out for coffee and start a wonderful day of listening to several LAbri-type lectures on tape about Christianity and Culture, sharing about books we’ve read, Scripture, art, music etc and having deep and meaning discussions. I had been looking for it for a couple months.
However, I awaken to the sound of a car trunk slamming. I got up to find there had been a revolt. One of the men, “Felt disgusted” about our night of “Partying” and was leaving. He convinced the other men to do the same that we were in sin and this retreat was not being “blessed” by God. So the wonderful retreat was a failure and they were blaming me for creating a negative “unspiritual” atmosphere.
But, if I had to do it over, I would have done the same. So, for a gift for a fundamentalist young person, I would give them a retreat like this. But I would isolate them; separate them from their cars so they couldn’t bug out as soon as they were overwhelmed with a false guilt.
- a Barack Obama collector’s plate
- an “Our Lady of Guadalupe” T-shirt
- The Brothers Karamazov and Crime and Punishment
- Teach them the Jesus Prayer
- fast from reading or listening to or watching anything produced by or for Christians (other than the scriptures, liturgy and prayer) as penance during Advent
Out of the Silent Planet by C.S. Lewis. This may seem like a tame suggestion, but I remember reading it as a young teenager, getting to the end and thinking, “He’s having a beer? But he’s supposed to be a Christian!!” That book marked the beginning of me no longer being a teetotaler.
Any album by Mark Heard. Careful here, though – listening to Heard ended up breaking down my resistance to the enjoyment of country music.
Any album by Steve Taylor – especially the box set that includes “I Want to be a Clone.” Probably one of the biggest influences on my thinking as I was growing up.
For bonus points, get the Mark Heard tribute album, Orphans of God. It includes Steve Taylor (via Chagall Guevara) doing a cover of Mark Heard.
You could keep it Christian but buy them the Rich Mullins: Songs on CD or iTunes, and look for artists like Sufjan Stevens who are believers but are far, far away from the NashVegas CCM scene.
If the kid’s a reader, give him Matthew Paul Turner’s Churched book. And anything by Philip Yancey or Brennan Manning.
DVD collection of:
- Alf
- Teletubbies
- The Smurfs
anything by Stevie Nicks
Goldfinger
Rear Window
youtube of the Four Yorkshiremen (any version)
Clark writes:
“1. A skateboard and some good skater attire, like skinny-leg jeans and a My Chemical Romance t-shirt.”
Hilarious how things change. When I was a teenage skater punk in the early nineties, the thing was to wear pants that were about 5 sizes too big.
And it probably would have been a Nirvana shirt
.
Or maybe I’d just give thought from my heart:
I have a picture of Jesus hanging on my wall
Mom says He’s just perfect, probably even ten feet tall
With soft brown hair, gentle blue eyes and a manly jaw
Makes me wonder if He ever drank or got into a brawl
I’ve got a Bible with stuff He said written down and all
Some said by Him or other men and some wrote by Paul
Dad said someday I could be the one to answer the call
But I’d rather just be cool hanging with friends at the mall
I memorized ten rules and even the catchall
I’ve done what I am told ever since I could crawl
Ya know, things like don’t cuss, or smoke or drink or fall
Don’t work on Sunday or act like no dirtball
My skins not pierced, my pupils straight, my hair is theirs,
My clothes are neat just like they want with no fashion tears
I’m going to heaven and believe everything the preacher shares
All hope of this being between God and me is lost in my prayers
If Jesus sees all I say and do in that place upstairs
I hope He cuts me some slack as He compares
The things folks say and do at carnivals and fairs
With Sunday morning when they’re putting on Church airs
Jesus said take up a cross and go out in pairs
Be a rebel against religion and do other Godly dares
In the end what matters is whose heart the Spirit prepares
To walk with God as a friend and stay out of the downstairs.
This is a little less warped that some of the other suggestions (or maybe not), but I’d get them started on church history. A good place to begin for a teenager would be Justo Gonzalez’s The Story of Christianity. Church history helped me to develop a little perspective and to realize that what I had been taught WAS Christianity was actually just one, relatively recent, manifestation.
Ditto any Dostoevsky. If they have shorter attention spans, Kafka. John Donne’s poetry (and sermons) might be a good move, too.
If they’re into comics get them something like Maus, Barefoot Gen, or Persepolis. Comics are cool but for teens comics about major historical events like the Holocaust, the atomic bomb, or even the Muslim revolution in Iran would all be good introductions to the kind of history they might not get in a fundy home.
Oh if we don’t need to go secular – The Vigilantes of Love – Juglar.
music by Olivier Messiaen
BrianD: any mention of a guy who sings dressed like a butterfly is a big mistake on my blog. Off to Landover with you. Get saved from whatever the heck that guy thinks he’s doing.
AT Chaffee: Your Sci-Fi side is showing. Take a van full of your friends who never missed an episode of Babylon 5 and go to Landover for the weekend.
People in danger of going to hell:
Anime fans, people recommending even good CCM, role playing gamers.
I want this kid to have a rebellious life, not sit in his room waiting for the next episode of some Japanese cartoon.
I’m sending a pack of you to Driscoll’s church.
I would recommend a number of Tim Keller sermons on the gospel.
What I’d give a fundamentalist young person?
The entire works of Terry Pratchett; Lewis Thomas’s “The Lives of a Cell;” a long weekend camping trip with my more patient pagan, UU, Christian, and vaguely spiritual friends who all get along fine; and an explanation of the Book of Hezekiah.
In defence of us old-school pen & paper RPG players, you HAVE to be social for it… there is no solo play in a worthwhile RPG! So, it’s kinda like having a rebellious life… just a little geekier
iMonk, you sending a pack to Driscoll’s church because of the anime presentations MH has done over the years?
I guess that there’s no official calendar with “The Babes of TBN” to give them–talk about a potential money maker!
Aaron said,
Out of the Silent Planet by C.S. Lewis. This may seem like a tame suggestion, but I remember reading it as a young teenager, getting to the end and thinking, “He’s having a beer? But he’s supposed to be a Christian!!”
Actually, even when “Jack” doesn’t mention beer at all, he is falling out of favor with the fundies and the rightmost wing of the evangelical spectrum. A tragedy whose proportions we will not be able to measure for two generations at least. Ah well. So give them the complete works.
(iMonk, if you ever feel like a post on the topic, I would be very interested in what you think about why CSL isn’t liked so much anymore and what the consequences are going to be for evangelicalism. Sorry to get off topic.)
I’m a dill
I forgot;
“The Spirit & Forms of Protestantism” by Louise Bouyer (A Lutheran pastor turned Catholic Priest- it totally changed my PoV)
The martial arts idea is brilliant! (I hold dan grades in Hapkido, Karate and TKD) and love to tackle blanket nonsense statements from folks about the evils of martial arts.
Something, anything by Nietsche
A book on comparative religeon.
Douglas Adams’ “Dirk Gently” books.
Bram Stoker’s “Dracula” (the book!)
“People in Glass Houses” by Tanya Levin (exposee of Hillsong)
“Tranceformations” A hypnotherapy/ NLP work by Bandler and Grinder. (“There is no such thing as hypnosis” & “Everything is hypnosis”)
A DVD on Yoga or Taiji.
where the hell are all the fantasy/scifi suggestions coming from? I’ve seen way too many of my “fundamentalist young person” friends turn into scifi nerds leaving the evangelical role-playing game for numerous fantasy role-playing games – not cool
Gift Ideas
- fiction by Christopher Buckley
- Right Behind – by Nathan Wilson & Mr. Sock
- Mantra of Jabez – by Douglas M. Jones
- movies directed by Quentin Tarantino
- the first DVD season of an HBO TV show
- inclusion in a Beer & Bible study
- a Led Zeppelin album
- an ACDC T-shirt
iMonk, I repent!
I repent of Sufjan Stevens, and will atone by listening to AC/DC and Willie Nelson on Pandora Radio.
Give the kid an iPhone, and threaten a life-long ban on media if he even thinks about programming anything Christian on the Pandora Radio player.
Give him the DVDs (or downloads) of the first 4 seasons of The Office and all episodes from this season. Then buy him a yearly pass to the nearest multiplex so he can watch every movie as often as possible.
Give him a Macbook, preloaded with bookmarks to such sites as TMZ, The Insider and MTV, so he can be up on pop culture.
If all THAT doesn’t rid him of his fundamentalism, put him in front of a TV, show him old Jerry Falwell and Jimmy Swaggart shows and tell him that is his future and if he doesn’t change, in 20 years he will be dressing exactly like ol’ Jerry did back in 1985 and will be 10 times angrier than Jimmy.
Now I need to detox by listening to Mars Hill Seattle worship music. And some Hank Jr.
First impression after reading this thread…..
damn!! you guys are harsh!!!
now that I got that off my chest, I’ll sit back and learn a thing or two……….
Don’t send me to Mars Hill. I just saw a big ol’ pic of Stryper on theresurgence.com. Don’t let the negative article fool you. Driscoll is a HUGE Michael Sweet fan.
I can’t believe no one’s mentioned “Dead Poet’s Society” yet. That’s one very subversive movie!
If we’re talking about a girl, I’d be seriously exposing her to some feminist literature, at least Christian feminist stuff if the hardcore’s too extreme. (It wouldn’t hurt aboy to read some either, but he’d probably be a lot less motivated)
There seem to be some common themes here:
anything that encourages imagination and genuine creativity
exposure to the wider world of Christian thinking
experienceof some things that fundies label “sin” and discovering their healthy and normal.
I now realise my kids never had a hope of growing up fundie (despite some people around us) They were taken to art galleries, discussed mythology, went with us to the theatre occasionally (when they were old enough) always had alcohol in the house, and had permission to read any book they wanted to (and our house is FULL of books). They were exposed to social justice issues and we even played cards as a family.
hmm .. maybe we’re the model for a “hell house” (something which doesn’t exist over here, fortunately) — we just never realised!
Brian D: A heartwarming change. God bless you in your new life.
iMonk, I will sing with the angels, all of whom have Angus Young’s growling voice.
Books: “World War Z” and “Zombie Survival Guide” by Max Brooks.
Music: The Clash – “London Calling”. Bach – “St. Matthews Passion”. Bob Marley – “Legend”. Extol -”Burial”. Elvis – anything that is NOT him doiing gospel songs.
Video Games: Any FPS. RTS.
Movies: The Dark Knight. (When we went to see it at the theater, we ran into the youth pastor and his wife. We talked about it that Sunday.) Also consider anything by George Romero that has Bruce Campbell in it(Army of Darkness). The first two Matrix movies. The Godfather Trilogy.
Any kid suffering from a Fundie upbrining is welcome in my house!
I completely forgot about…
Listen to Jesus Christ Superstar!
(The original musical soundtrack, not the movie which is just weird.)
“Nazareth, your famous son should have stayed a great unknown. Like His father carving wood, He’d have made good. Tables, chairs and oaken chests would have suited Jesus best. He’d have caused nobody harm. No one alarm.”
And the crucifixion scene is far more powerful than many of the more orthodox versions.
Jason Blair, I can’t seriously believe you recommended freaking -DIO- to some potential Fundamentalist teenager in need of a gift.
Seriously, bro? Ronnie James Dio?
For a very mild shake up, may I suggest a collection of Nativity scenes, and/or Madonnas as done by various non-European artists.
Allow them to listen to all the classic rock songs….. forwards LOL!!!!
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Give them a bumper sticker or a t-shirt that reads:
“I survived the oak tree in my Camaro”
[in reference to the popular fundamentalist youth revival stories told to those who laughed at the fundamentalist youth revivalist at altar call time. The stories were always about a guy (never a girl - so much for equal opportunity sinners) who did not listen and moments after the service was over was discovered down the street "dead and into eternal torment" from where he lost control of his Camaro and wrapped it around the oak tree at 'dead man's curve'.
It was always done in exact comparison to the account of Elisha (aka the revivalist) and the young lads (the one who said no) who came out from the city and mocked him (the ones who laughed) who got mauled by Two Bears (the oak tree) found in 2 Kings 2:23-25 as their judgment for mocking the man of God (aka the revivalist)]
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Give them a copy of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue
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Allow them to wear tennis shoes and shorts beyond gym class
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Let them go to a church where the teenagers from 12-21 are not separated by sex during the Sunday School hour or Wednesday Night youth night