Reverend Billy says “Stop Shopping! Your consumerism is out of control!”
And the iMonk says “Give that fundamentalist young person near you a Christmas to remember…..and their pastor a reason to blow a wicket.”
(BTW, I don’t just mean any fundamentalist young person. I mean that young person who is stuck in a fundamentalist church, youth program or school, and they just don’t fit in. They’re different. You can look at this kid and tell that he/she isn’t buying it all. They’re skeptical. They’re thinking and questioning. Yes, they’ve been subjected to the youth revivals, youth camps, Gothard-ite mind control techniques, Dobson parenting principles and some whack job’s infant feeding schedule plan for producing a compliant kid….and none of it has worked. This kid has the wrong music on his/her ipod. The hair’s looking rebellious. There’s some comic tucked away in their backpack. They’re cruisin’ some websites that would send their youth minister into exorcism mode. Yes, THAT kid. That kid that needs some mentoring, some light, some message in a bottle that there’s something on the other side of Christianity than what’s been foisted on him/her.)
So, here’s Ten Gift Ideas For a Fundamentalist Young Person Near You:
1. A set of fantasy books that would get the label “Dangerous!” by the literature haters in their world. I suggest Susan Cooper’s The Dark Is Rising series.
2. Dinner at the restaurant of their choice, on you, on the condition they ask you 20 questions they couldn’t ask at their church/school/youth group without getting in trouble.
3. A digital tape recorder where they can give their honest reactions to all the sermons and talks they hear. They are allowed to question everything and to even do imitations of the preacher.
4. A free trip to the oldest, most ornate Catholic, Anglican, Lutheran or Orthodox church in town, followed by a free explanation of the concept of “mystery.”
5. A stack of books by former fundamentalists. Start with Frank Schaefer’s Calvin Becker Trilogy. (Be cautious here. When the young person discovers there are others who’ve thought and felt the same dangerous feelings, the reaction could be volatile.)
6. An ESV Study Bible, a Moleskine journal, Ryken’s Bible Handbook and any five books from Tom Wright’s “Everyone” series of commentaries.
7. The entire back issue library of the original Wittenberg Door when it was edited by Rice and Yaconelli. I know this is a bit dated, but it’s still powerful treatment for fundamentalism. The current online version can be helpful, but the Yaconelli input is crucial.
8. Depending on the age of your recepient, a selection of 5 DVDs they are not allowed to watch according to the fundamentalists in charge. OR allow the student to destroy any 15 Christian music CDs or Christian movies he’s been forced to keep in his collection. Films may not include any titles endorsed by Focus on the Family.
9. An evening at your home, with 10 non-Christian friends of their choice, for pizza, movies, games, music, etc. Church, religion and the Bible may not be mentioned under penalty of expulsion. The only game that can be played involves playing Praise and Worship music, but allowing people to shout whatever comes into their head during the songs.
10. A trip to an art gallery (with nudes), a museum (not creationist) and a secular music venue to hear somebody who will never, ever, ever be on K-Love.
You may add to the list:
A Barack Obama bobblehead, bumper sticker, t-shirt, lapel pin and trapper keeper for school (do they even make those anymore?)
Anna:
>….a collection of Nativity scenes…
?????????????????
- A Guinness tee shirt
- Anything by Gaelic Storm
- Autographed edition of “The Tales of Beedle the Bard”
So do we all feel guilty for our blatant consumerism yet? Rev Billy would be exorcising me right now.
Your suggestion of Yaconelli-era Wittenburg Door is right on the mark. Likewise the suggestion of the C. S. Lewis “Space Trilogy” and Steve Taylor’s music.
For Gothard-sufferers, a link to the too-infrequently updated X-ATI Guy blog could be helpful.
Some other book suggestions:
Michael Horton’s Putting the Amazing Back into Grace.
Garry Friesen’s Decision Making and the Will of God — or pick another book making the case that you don’t have to be in “full-time Christian ministry” in order to glorify God in your vocation.
Growing Up Born Again by Patricia Klein.
A DVD of ‘The Road to Wellville’ with Matthew Broderick and Anthony Hopkins.
imonk, speaking of “the door,” you’d have to send this kid the “Which Circle” comic (that appeared in the Door circa 2000?) where Doug the Christian Campus Ministry Leader starts out by saying: “Men, welcome to the men’s Bible study for men! Today’s topic…is titled ‘Completely Conquering Lust Forever OR How I stopped Masturbating and learned to Love my God’ ”
A classic! If you scroll through the “which circle” comics at http://www.thedoormagazine.com you’ll find it.
Well… reading this list has been an education in and of itself. As a british Christian, a member of a liberal church, and a conservative evangelical what strikes me is the lack of appreciation for the challenges of parenting in a post-Christian culture. I am only 24 and I grew up as a pastor’s kid, but I was exposed to prostitutes, drifters, drug abusers, murders and a whole host of people who were broken and abused. I don’t resent growing up in that environment (though my siblings have been hurt by it), but I do think the world is hostile enough to believers without our brothers and sisters seeking to undermine parental influence and family structures. My advice: try talking to the parents, offer them support, try winning their trust. You share common goals, you want your young people to grow up to be responsible believing adults, not naive about the ways of the world but wise as serpents and gentle as doves; work together not against one another. Your brother, James
My Christian film festivals:
I:
A Clockwork Orange (endorsed by the Schaeffers!)
The Last Temptation of Christ
Kevin Smith’s Dogma
II:
Jesus of Montreal
The Book of Life (Martin Donovan)
The Rapture (Mimi Rogers)
Reading:
Ayn Rand’s ANTHEM
C.S. Lewis’s THE GREAT DIVORCE
Brian Caldwell’s WE ALL FALL DOWN (“If Quentin Tarantino had written Left Behind…”)
CD:
Tori Amos -”Little Earthquakes”
James,
>I do think the world is hostile enough to believers without our brothers and sisters seeking to undermine parental influence and family structures.
It took 159 posts for us to get to someone who entirely missed the humor of the whole thing.
Congratulations on calling this thread a plan to “undermine” parents and family.
It’s a joke. A bit o’ humor.
ms
a homebrew, beer brewing kit… to make the heart glad!
Michael,
Yes, I’m thinking more of the cards that show Mary, Joseph and Jesus as other than European. Like shepherds as Native Americans.
(I said that it was mild.) GRIN
Patrick Kyle,
I watched “The Road to Wellville” with my wife, funny in a peculiar sort of way. The even funnier thing is that a lot of what was in the movie went on during that time period especially the “medical” acts performed to relieve women’s hysteria.
If it hasn’t been mentioned yet – give him all the episodes of the Benny Hill Show complete with the Hills dancers (that’s Benny Hill not Benny Hinn)…
romero != army of darkness
sam raimi = army of darkness.
i’d recommend the better movies of either.
also, the complete calvin & hobbes
Some feminist lit with religious overtones:
The Handmaid’s Tale (but he might not get it)
Ciderhouse Rules (ok, not really feminist, but every Christian teen who professes to be Pro-life should have to read this before they go on their first march on Washinton or an abortion clinic.
WARNING: don’t actually try to use either of these in a Christian school. They will be banned…and you might be too! (yes, I was young, idealistic, dtermined to help kids think for themselves…and stupid!)
A camouflage t-shirt.
A distortion pedal.
Skull guitar pick.
Mario Brothers 3.
The movie “Saved”, “Dogma”
The Book of Common Prayer
The Screwtape Letters
heck–ANYTHING by:
C. S. Lewis
Dorothy Sayers
Madeline L’Engle
Chaim Potok (but esp. My Name Is Asher Lev; The Chosen; and The Promise)
A backpacking trip in the wilderness
“A Sand County Almanac” by Aldo Leopold
“The Creation: An Appeal to Save Life on Earth” by E.O. Wilson
“The Bible, Rocks, and Time” by Young and Stearley or “Creation and Time” by Ross
“Rich Christians in an Age of Hunger” by Sider
A big book on the history of art
“Church History in Plain Language” by Shelley (I know someone else already mentioned this) or a subscription to Christian History magazine.
I watched “The Road to Wellville†with my wife, funny in a peculiar sort of way. — Radagast
Ah, yes, Old Doc Kellogg. Someone to remember next time you sit down to a bowl of cornflakes.
The even funnier thing is that a lot of what was in the movie went on during that time period especially the “medical†acts performed to relieve women’s hysteria. — Radagast
You mean like rampant Hysterectomies, or just the gallon-sized yogurt enemas?
It’s a good thing I didn’t know of you, iMonk, back when I was in college and a leader for the church youth group. My would have been defrocked or whatever it is when you send a youth leader packing. Heap big trouble.
OK, since I fell in with the evangelical-fundie crowd by mistake (was always the artsy type
):
- Bruce Cockburn CDs
- a book or two on Renaissance (and later) art (it’ll have plenty of nudes, and they’ll have been painted and sculpted by Roman Catholics *and* Protestants! And lots of them will be ***Bible characters***!!!)
- African and/or hip hop dance lessons
, a
- tkts to “RENT” (or some other “subversive” musical)
- Day of the Dead paraphanalia [sp?] (t-shirt, little sugar skulls, etc.)
- complete set of Buffy the Vampire Slayer DVDs + Season 8 comics
- a video of the KODO drum troupe from Japan (gigantic ritual Shinto drums played by almost-naked guys ‘n gals!!!)
- Tinky Winky backpack
- a trip to the Church of St. John Will-I-Am Coltrane, or a Coltrane icon to hang on the wall + a copy of “A Love Supreme” (church site is here)
- a free (as in, “on the gift giver”) pass to an introductory life drawing class
- a lesson on the proper way to make a Black & Tan (with Irish punkers playing in the background)
That should keep ‘em busy for a while.
Linkin Park CD’s.
“Numb” might be a particularly good song:
“I’m tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don’t know what you’re expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes…
“Can’t you see that you’re smothering me
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you…”
Great ideas, but reading them, I’m afraid I’ve been “outed.”
I’m a Southern Baptist Deacon in my 60′s. I was given a Christmas gift “Beers of the World” by a couple of the young men in the college Sunday School class I was teaching at our local county-seat First Baptist Church. (Then they stuck around to try a few of them with me.)
I suggest giving the kids a link to one of the many “Christian Naturist” websites and perhaps offer to take them and their parents for an afternoon around the pool at a naturist resort. (That would also be good therapy to make them less fearful of the Sears catalog.)
A bow and arrow could be extremely risky, but throw in a copy of Bill Gothard’s “Basic Life Principles” for something to shoot at.
I haven’t read everything so I hope I’m not repeating. My gift would be a membership for Christians for Biblical Equality with one of their posters: “Put women where they belong! Right beside men.”
Coming in late, but:
-anything written by Spider Robinson, especially the Callahan’s Place series.