Comments on: Some Mistakes to Avoid With Young Adult Children

By: C. Holland

C. Holland — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 22:11:21 +0000

I guess I have the problem of my parents acting opposite of numbers 3 and 12. On number 3, they are disappointed that their thirty-something kid has never owned a house or a “new” car, or has never made huge loads of money. And they think I was nuts to sell everything I owned to move to Western Europe and become a missionary.

On number 12, my parents (both active evangelicals) wish I would get out of the ministry, one that I actually enjoy. When I announced I was going into the mission field full time, their outright objection was a kick to the gut. All I’ve heard for the past two years is why won’t I come back home to the States and be a normal Christian?

I wish they would read what you have here, iMonk, but I think it’s too late for them. Thank you for posting this so others may learn in time.

By: Carolyn

Carolyn — Sat, 10 Jan 2009 22:02:16 +0000

Bingo…on all 12 mistakes parents can make with their young adult children.

Our daughter, 23, is in the second semester of her 6th year at college. She has been on scholarship the entire time. She is type 1 diabetic with an insulin pump. She changed her major two years ago as new doors began to open. She trusts God and believes in open doors. For the first time since high school, she is struggling with the emotional, physical, and spiritual toll such stresses can bring. Seemingly, ‘crossroads’ time is the most difficult. Imonk, you are right! Parental support, understanding, love, and encouragement is crucial as these ‘birds’ have to strengthen their wings by flying farther and farther from the nest.

By: mick

mick — Sat, 10 Jan 2009 05:48:30 +0000

Excellent post. Five and seven hit me most. Regretfully, I have done them all. One of my greatest mistakes with my kids was in using sarcasm and sometimes a critical spirit in how I tried to get my point across – even important ones. But the “way” defeated a questionable noble end. I wish I had practiced Peter’s words, “love one another deeply for love covers a multitude of sins” mine or theirs, and in not assuming I could judge the motives and intentions of my kids hearts.

By: Dave R

Dave R — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 22:35:11 +0000

Come to think of it, that son who visited a church and looked for a leadership role – I guess that’s not having your head on straight either, at least in that area. We have set some dangerous expectations for our young adult believers.

By: Dave R

Dave R — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 22:25:58 +0000

#12 – Thank you for confirming a nagging concern of mine. My two oldest sons have been in different evangelical churches as older high school students and college students. Every church has almost immediately made them small group leaders for teens, worship leaders for youth services, or some such. One recently visited a large church a couple of times, contacted a youth leader about what areas of ministry he might participate in, and was offered a role. . . before even making a commitment to the church!! That son seems to have his head on pretty straight for his age. But I hate to think how often a charismatic young person who can sell himself is pulled in to leadership and shipwrecks himself and others with him. The context is elders and deacons, but Paul tells Timothy “He must not be a recent convert, or he may become conceited and fall under the same judgment as the devil.” In teen pregnancy we have ‘children raising children’, and it seems we have that in many churches as well.

By: iMonk

iMonk — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 19:35:09 +0000

A dozen times a week I want to pick up the phone and tell my dad or mom something…and then I remember than they are gone. But that desire won’t ever change. There’s no measuring how much I miss their support and love in my life.

By: Obed

Obed — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 19:11:30 +0000

I gotta say, God gave me great parents. They pretty much were good at all 12 of those, even after I left for college a decade or so ago. Sure, my dad being a laconic fellow was always a little light with the verbal “I love you”s, but he showed ‘em nonetheless. Granted no parents are perfect, but I hope that when it’s my time to be a dad, I can do as good a job as they did.

As far as #12 went, I wonder if my folks had been living in the same state and going to the same church as me they’d have counciled against the fast-track-to-leadership stuff I got on. About a year ago I got off that and am so glad I did. Too young, too soon.

By: arpritchett

arpritchett — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 17:02:30 +0000

#11 is huge, and we all need to remember it.

For any of the dads out there, I’m a 25 year old man living in a different state from my folks. When I got an award at my job at the end of this last year, the first person I called was my dad. I can remember the handshake my dad gave me when he congratulated me for being cast in my first play in my high school’s theater program (theater was my deal in high school). That’s a moment I will never forget.

My dad’s support (or whatever you call it) is more important to me now than ever.

By: Dave R

Dave R — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 16:43:03 +0000

This probably relates more to raising children in general, but here’s a quote to keep parenting in perspective:

“A parent raising children is like a handicapped carpenter trying to make fine furniture with warped wood.”

It’s truly the grace of God they come out like they do.

By: Kevin Walker

Kevin Walker — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 16:08:02 +0000

“Our young adults don’t need us to imitate James Dobson or bombard them with links to articles warning them to not waste their life. They need a solid example of true joy, simple pleasures, genuine spirituality and the ability to see beyond the cultural distractions to the important places in a relationship.”

Wow. One of the best lines I’ve read anywhere in a while. This entire post is something that I needed to be reminded about – being the proud Dad of a growing 15 month old daughter.

Thanks again!