Happy Saturday, imonkers. It finally feels a little like spring in the Midwest. And, good news for Chaplain Mike, as of Friday afternoon the Cubbies are only four games out of first place!
Did you know there is a new documentary promoting geocentrism? Star Trek’s Captain Kathryn Janeway (aka Kate Mulgrew) narrates it, and it features snippets (pulled totally out of context) from previously published interviews with leading physicists. The director is a holocaust denier and anti-Semite who believes there’s a NASA conspiracy to erase all evidence pointing to a geocentric universe. But we should still trust him, because got his Ph.D. in religious studies from “a private distance-learning institution located in Republic of Vanuatu”. Sounds legit.
Former Florida Governor Jeb Bush said this week that illegal immigration is not a felony, but “an act of love”.Bush is reportedly considering a run for the White House, and will start meeting with evangelical leaders. First up: Southern Baptist Russell Moore. Meanwhile, Mike Huckabee has been doing a lot of “value” speaking in Iowa, home of the first caucus, where , “Guys like to go fishing with other men. They like to go hunting with other men. Women like to go to the restroom with other women.” Ok, then.
Utility workers in Israel discovered a 3,300 year old coffin in the Jezreel valley, not too far from Nazareth. Thecoffin appears to be Canaanite, but it has strong Egyptian influences, including a small golden scarab seal bearing the throne name of King Seti I of Egypt. And here in Indiana excavators once found an arrowhead…
African Christians will be killed if the Church of England accepts gay marriage: that was the message of the archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby. He said 330 Christians in Nigeria had been massacred by neighbors who had justified the atrocity by saying: “If we leave a Christian community here we will all be made to become homosexual and so we will kill all the Christians.” Welby added, “I have stood by gravesides in Africa of a group of Christians who had been attacked because of something that had happened in America. We have to listen to that. We have to be aware of the fact.” He also argued that if the Church of England celebrated gay marriages, “the impact of that on Christians far from here, in South Sudan, Pakistan, Nigeria and other places would be absolutely catastrophic. Everything we say here goes round the world.” This leaves us with a very good question: To what degree should American or British denominations take into account the effect on global Christians when implanting change in policy?
Sometimes they just write themselves: “Bring the fun and excitement of America’s favorite family, the Robertsons from the hit A&E television show Duck Dynasty, into your church and teach your kids the gospel at the same time! Willie’s Redneck Rodeo is a simple and easy-to-use VBS program! Your vbs volunteers will enjoy acting out the antics of Willie, Jase, Jep, Phil, Godwin, Martin, Si and others as they teach kids five of the Bible’s most-beloved parables.”
Ken Ham’s Answers in Genesis has put up a couple billboards in NYC about the “real Noah”. The group’s Facebook page noted, “The new boards are designed not only to counter the anti-biblical Noah film that Paramount Studios released nine days ago but also to draw attention to the Creation Museum’s excellent displays about the reality of Noah’s Flood and Noah’s Ark…”.
The working title for the series is “The Young Pope,” and the director hopes to create “fictional mysteries and scandals within the walls of the Vatican.” This from a story about a new TV series chronicling the travails of a young, American Pope named Lenny Belardo in a scandal plagued Vatican.
Headline of the week: ‘Noah’ screening cancelled after theater floods’. Wonder what will happen when they show Left Behind?
Shafqat Emmanuel and his wife Shagufta Kausar had their phone stolen. That isn’t the bad news. The bad news is that 1) they live in Pakistan and 2) they are Christians, and 3) someone used their phone to text a “blasphemous” text message. They were tried in court, where their lawyer pointed out that the couple was, in fact, illiterate, and besides, the text message was in English. They were convicted anyway. And sentenced to death.
Brandeis University has changed its mind. Tuesday it said it will not award an honorary degree to Ayaan Hirsi Ali, a campaigner for women’s rights and a fierce critic of Islam, who has called the religion “a destructive, nihilistic cult of death.” You will have to read her backstory to get why she feels so passionate about this.
Chick-fil-A recently overtook Kentucky Fried Chicken as the largest seller of fast food chicken in America, and this despite having only about a third as many stores as KFC. Now Chick-fil-A is attempting to expand beyond its southern roots, and its CEO has decided to focus on making money instead of making political statements.
This week’s “Unsealed: Alien Files” on the Science Channel (!!!) says “new evidence may prove the Vatican is hiding actual aliens from the public.” After quoting a Vatican official who mentions the possibility of extra-terrestrial life, we get the following voiceover: “Vatican officials have publicly acknowledged the likelihood of alien life. This dramatic reversal of Vatican policy demands an explanation. What does the Church know, or what have they found that causes them to reverse a 2000-year-old teaching?” The Vatican has been arguing against ET for 2,000 years? Who knew? But there’s more: “The Vatican secret archives is approximately 52 miles of shelving we’re told, and over 32,000 archives. But the secrets hidden within the Vatican can’t stay buried forever. Now new evidence may prove the Vatican is hiding actual aliens from the public.” The program also claims that skulls with elongated heads were found in 1998 under the Vatican Library. “Could these skulls be the remnants of aliens who once lived in the Vatican?” Wait…elongated heads?
PETA had hoped to turn serial killer and cannibal Jeffrey Dahmer’s childhood home into a vegan restaurant. They even had a cute name: Eat for Life: Home Cooking. Alas, party-pooping local authorities in Bath Township, Ohio, have nixed the plan.
My favorite listicle of the week: . And, yay, it is all on one page!
Before I forget, here is your dog pic:
You remember the controversy a couple years ago about a business card sized of papyrus that has Jesus saying “my wife”? Well, it was tested for age, and 3 universities dated it to 400-859 A.D., while another dated it several centuries before Christ. Seems like a pretty wide range, but at least its promoters can claim it is not a modern forgery. However, Leo Depuydt, an Egyptologist at Brown University, is not convinced: “The papyrus fragment seems ripe for a Monty Python sketch,” Depuydt writes, noting that the Coptic language used in the papyrus contains “a couple of fatal grammatical blunders” that render it “patently fake.”
Passover starts Monday, and soon our Jewish friends will be experiencing Matzo fatigue. Matzo is about the dullest food one can eat. And it tends to bind up the digestive tract; It’s not called the “bread of affliction” for nothing. A common Passover joke: What do you call someone who derives pleasure from the bread of affliction? A matzochist. With that in mind, we can only have one video clip to end this week’s rambling: