Buckle your seat belts, iMonks. Today’s Ramblings will be fast and curious, with lots of twisty roads and some unseen bumps to navigate. Please don’t throw your trash out the window, and don’t eat in my car. I don’t like French fry wrappers shoved under the seat. If you all behave, maybe I’ll stop at Sonic during Happy Hour for a large Diet Coke with pineapple (my current favorite). Above all, DO NOT MAKE ME TURN THIS CAR AROUND. Now, are you ready to ramble?
Exodus International, the ministry that was founded to lead gays out of their lifestyle, has closed its doors, and the president issued an apology for what they sought to do. The floor is now open for your comments.
You are hearing it here first: The next big battle in evangelical churches will be over the decriminalization of illegal drugs. Here is a cloud no bigger than a man’s hand that has appeared on the horizon. Make no mistake, a storm is a-brewin’ over this.
Of course, soon smoking or shooting or popping a drug will be old school. Futurist Ray Kurzweil says by 2045 we will be downloading our brains from a computer. And as we get dressed in the morning and pick out the brain we need for the day, why not schedule some recreational times throughout the day when our brains go into “high” modes? Did I not warn you to buckle up today?
After all that, perhaps you will want to wash your non-computer downloaded brain out with this, the best feel-good story I have read in a long time.
Or maybe join Pope Francis cruising around Italy on a Harley. Hey, he’s got a leather jacket now. All he needs is to jump on his hog and he’s off …
… But he will have to be back in time to canonize Pope John Paul II. Seems a “mystery miracle” has been attributed to the Blessed John Paul II, clearing him for sainthood. Isn’t “mystery miracle” redundant?
The federal government has come up with “guidelines” for what to do if someone pulls a gun and starts to shoot in your church. Um, you people really need this? I live in Oklahoma, and we don’t need no stinkin’ guidelines for what to do if someone starts flinging lead in our churches. We rush right out the door to the nearest publisher to seek a three-book deal on the breakthrough we experienced during the ordeal, that’s what we do.
We also have the coolest license plates in the country. Well, except there is this one Methodist pastor in Bethany, Oklahoma who says he is being forced to be a “mobile billboard for a pagan religion” with our plates. Sigh …
I like Mumford and Sons, and I really like Cathleen Falsani as a writer, but I am linking to this simply because she uses the word “hootenanny.” Your assignment today: Work “hootenanny” into as many conversations as you can.
And this week’s most creative use of Scripture award goes to “Prophet” Mark Barclay, who says we are not to lay up treasure where it can rust, and thus wants you to help him foot the bill to repaint his private jet for the paltry sum of $79,000. Seriously. I am not making this up.
If I were to make up a story, I think I would start with a helicopter, not a plane. I would say the pastor, no—make that bishop—reports his “aviation director” said his helicopter needs new blades. Then I would say the bishop is calling for people to make faith contributions so he can get new blades on his ‘copter, but that God would reward the givers with all kinds of things like new cars. But I can’t even make this story up, because it is true.
We do not have airplanes or helicopters here at the iMonastery. But we do have some very modest expenses, and your generous giving helps us meet those. Thanks to each and every one of you who give whatever you can, whenever you can. I can’t promise you a new car, but I can say a very sincere Thank You.
Happy Birthday was the song of choice this last week for Yuri Andropov; Martha Vaughan; Waylon Jennings; Harry Nilsson; Wade Boggs; Igor Stravinsky; Red Foley; Sir Paul McCartney; Oz Fox; Harry Moses Horwitz (you have to ask?); Lou Gehrig; Chet Atkins; Brian Wilson; and Garfield.
Any time the mother of the greatest guitarist of all time, excepting Hendrix, has a birthday, we will celebrate it with a video or two from her son. You can say Hendrix is one and SRV two, or the other way ’round, but you cannot make an intelligent argument for any other human as the greatest to pick up an electric guitar. (Duane Allman is three. After that, have at it …) If in watching these videos you can’t see God’s hand on this man, well … Enjoy.