I also don’t want to keep hearing regular references to how hot you find your wife, or how you enjoy your sex life with her. (This one applies primarily to the “gen-X” pastors.)

Pastors(as vulnerable as any of us BTW) don’t get “canned after getting caught having sex with their secretary”, instead: “They have entered into an unhealthy relationship on an emotional level with a female member of their staff and are stepping down from their position for a season, to receive counseling, and experience a time of healing with their family”. (Apologies for stealing the phrase from JSS). I also find it interesting that it seemed necessary to qualify that the other party was “female” as if a “same-sex unhealthy relationship” is much worse than a “opposite-sex unhealthy relationship”.

—You are neither passionate nor desperate for God. You’re just a whiny emo wannabee. Find some new adjectives. NOW!

To the pastor who just left a men’s rally:
—Yeah, I’m a man. That doesn’t mean I like golf, baseball, mountain climbing or most other athletic pursuits. Nor do I want to hear in every sermon about your exploits as the captain of your high school varsity team. Trust me, it’s neither drawing me closer to Jesus nor yourself.

–Sometimes “brutal, transparent honesty” from the pulpit is WAY over-rated; because if we dared to get that honest about OUR issues, we’d be shunned faster than an Amish guy with an iPod.

“I like prog rock” (Neal Morse in particular).

“That song we sang in worship was not scriptural.”

“Quit singing to Jesus like he’s your Cosmic Boyfriend”. (Thanks to Michael Horton on the White Horse Inn for that one, which I use all the time).

“Are you Arminian or Calvinist?”

“What do you believe?/What does this church believe?” Most people (even pastors) can’t answer.

“I’m a libertarian”.

“No, I don’t want to go down and picket the abortion clinic”.

“My grown-up kids are heathen and don’t want anything to do with God”. (but you can pray for them).

“My wife has bipolar disorder and takes medication”. at which point they back away. or tell me how she needs to be prayed for or delivered.

Ouch! My sympathies

Some of these comments “can’t” be said in church because they would rightly be seen as sarcastic and mean.

Some, yes. Point taken.

j. Michael Jones,

As a Christian, the scariest thing I know of is … The DAYSTAR Christian Network!

You need to watch more TV, dude. TBN is way scarier. TBN is to Daystar as “Cujo” is to “Lassie, Come Home.”

And here’s a couple more:

No I don’t think it’s right to cuss, but I think 10 minutes of foul language is rather benign compared to 10 minutes of the gossip that is always coming out of your mouth.

I have serious concerns about how my kids might be affected by Harry Potter, but I worry alot more about how they might be affected by Bible Man.

We tagged it, the “my law is better than your law” syndrome, or better a revelation that what is REALLY being preached and taught from the pulpit and/or Sunday school room(s) in spite of the “confession” of the church in so many words “justification by faith alone” or “we are not saved by our works”, and that is nothing but “l”aw and not even THE Law. One can ALWAYS tell when what is really being preached or lived within any given church, across all denominations, is sans Gospel and rather a diet of “l”aw or confounded lawgospel or lawgospellaw or some other mishmash mélange of confusion. The tell tale sign is always this kind of legalesque “pissed” off with something you can/can’t do around another Christian. In other words one can tell when mostly “l”aw is being preached and taught when this kind of judgmental attitude arises over mostly things of indifference or adiaphoria – hence – “my law is better than your law”.

For example you will find a pastor finally speaking his upset with the congregation and vice versa over basically nothing, just nit picking needling. When you see that situation you can pretty much guarantee that what is coming from the pulpit is a “jesus” that is another “jesus”, a WWJD, a walk/talk like “jesus’, a form of sanctification that is not getting use to one’s justification but a “cleaning up of life” (paganism), and a “faith” that is something other than a naked utterly passive trusting in Christ. A kind of preaching/teaching within that cannot answer in Gospel, “yes”, to the question, “You mean if I don’t get better I STILL get to go to heaven”. A preaching that trips and stumbles all over the stumbling Stone of the scandalous offense of the Cross. And the life of the church reveals that deeply in spite of a confession that says, “justification by faith alone in Christ alone by pure grace alone”, “Jesus is not NEARLY enough.” The pastor/elders/deacons will gripe and moan about the congregation and vice versa. Why? Because nobody is living up to every body else’s “l”aw. Killing Law, the Hammer of God is obviously not preached or taught nor understood here, much less the Gospel, the real naked Good News.

So you have this “tightening up” as we saw with the Pharisees rather than the loosening up that the Gospel brings. As the law is preached in reality, works salvation even if denied outwardly, the congregation, preacher and all, tighten up and from sinful hearts arises these murders, slanders and such. “The Law is”, as Luther says, “the most salutary doctrine of life, but it cannot help a man toward righteousness (at all). In fact (more so to the reality and point) it hinders him (completely). Much less the works of man gained by so called natural precept performed over and over (repetition sanctification) again.” (ldh – paraphrased). But we NEVER understand this and so we return to the dog vomit of our works. Oh we will call it “gospel” or “the full gospel” or so called Law and Gospel confounding “full council of God’s Word” (as if there is something other than Law and Gospel), we will call it ‘biblical’ or ‘bible derived’…like the Pharisees of old we do indeed “search the scriptures and think that by them we have life…”, but we definitely loose sight of the fact that, “…it are these that continually bear witness of Me (Jesus, and as taker of sin/giver of all righteousness…the end.). And so we pretend with our masks on every Sunday that we are hunky dory, no real sinner here, no sinner with INVINCIBLE sins, just conquered sins or “struggles”. Jesus only died for invincible sins past, present and future not “conquered sins” which is an ever “in the present” denial of the need of Christ FOR ME. We never talk “normal” and avoid certain conversation in the presence of the church, pastor, deacon, elder, other laymen – “no real sinners here, just faking it ones”.

So this reveals the kind of preaching/teaching and life of the church that is REALLY going on in spite of a “vigorous confession” to the contrary if asked. That REALLY we are preaching, teaching and living as if we “work our way to heaven” and NOT by the so called protestant difference justification by grace alone through faith alone in Christ alone and we are not one wit different in REALITY to Rome, Trent just has the guts to put in print what most protestant churches attempt to avoid officially but preach/teach/live in reality. A theology of Cross is NOT yet another “doctrine” to be confessed to, but the WAY or STATE of being of the OPERATION of the one captured by the Cross, as opposed to a theology of glory which too is not a “confession” per se, but the way or state of being one operates within.

Blessings,

Larry KY