Honestly, I haven’t been a member of the church long enough to see if this wider, deeper, intergenerational emphasis is bearing lasting fruit, but I do know that our youth minister on staff has a real heart for apologetics and tackling the hard questions of life (as opposed to saying “Don’t ask! Just believe!” or “Let’s have fun, fun, fun!”). Hopefully, he’s giving our young people some real meat to chew on, rather than merely baby-sitting them, or worse, excusing their sin, as some people have written about in other comments here! (From what I know of him, I trust that he is using his gifts well.) Thanks again for the post. I thought that you might be encouraged to hear of one church’s youth ministry that is trying to embody and implement at least some of the points that you have outlined here.

Good luck with that. It’s going to be extraordinarily difficult to get teens interested in older generations than their own when the adults of authority, in both the church and the wider culture, are trying desperately to avoid aging.

Has it occurred to anyone else that the whole notion of the church needing “revival” is in some ways antithetical to the concept of graceful aging?

I wasn’t trying to imply that you thought it was an easy culture to change. I was trying to speak with a very generic “you”. When I reread the post, I realized that I sounded a bit pointed. Not intentional, I assure you. I apologize if I was too strong.

I’m sorry about your experience with the youth at your church. Your story is all too common. Pastors too often make decisions out of fear. That is the worst way to live and minister. I’ve done it. I know what I’m talking about. I’ve had the same complaints made about what we’re doing with our youth, but the difference is that my senior pastor agrees 100% with what I’ve done. I’ve been blessed to serve with the man that I do.

No I certainly don’t think it is easy to change that culture. I didn’t want to take up time in my rather long post describing the times I’ve personally have attempted to take a leadership role in various youth groups (the last being this past year). As you have put in very clear terms, the culture of the parent’s expectations makes it a hair-pulling experience.

This last year, when I attempted to take over the group, I wanted to model it after the experiences I’ve had with my own kids. Rather than preaching for an hour then just going to water parks . . . I wanted to go out for coffee and talk about where they really are honestly. I wanted to watch their movies with them, and listen to their music . . . but in a thinking way.

I had the kids pick their favorite TV show . . . which was LOST. I did a lot of homework about the writers, producers and story line. I came up with a list of very provocative questions (like the Eastern-panthestic vs Christian view of morals etc.). Then we watched three episodes (on DVD).

Then I get approached by the pastor that some parents think it is inappropriate to expose their teens to secular TV shows(and each teen already told me the many, many hours they watched it at home). I was quickly replaced by the pastor himself, who preaches to the kids about the evils of tatoos etc. . . until all of them stopped showing up, but for his own kids.

I give you a lot of credit as a youth pastor. I know that I can’t do it.

No matter how good the program is, there is going to be a retention problem. That’s part of the nature of youth ministry. Many youth are active in the church only while living at home. Children and youth are actively sought out by the church in ways that adults are not.

J. Michael Jones’
When I read your response, I was reminded of the youth group that I inherited. My predecessor was guilty of most of the things in that list. Let me tell you, if you think it’s easy to change that sort of culture, you are mistaken. Why is it so difficult? My experience has been that for every engaged/concerned parent, there are ten parents who like the status quo because it lets them off the hook. They spoil with material goods, make sure their kids are playing five sports, and hand them off to the youth pastor like they would hand them off to a soccer coach. No muss, no fuss until their kid thinks that youth group is boring, or until a Joel Osteen/Benny Hinn church moves in down the road. “I don’t want my daughter to learn bad theology, but it’s your fault for not being fun enough. At least she’s in church.” I think I could rant forever on that one. Numbers have never been my guiding influence, but I tell you, when you inherit a ministry of 60 kids, and within 1 ½ years you’re down to 25, it’ll cause even the most stout hearted to question himself (and to question whether or not he’ll be feeding his family for very long). I had a seminary prof who used to tell us that in America we worship our children. Now I know what he means.

There is a price to be paid, both personally and numerically, when a youth minister tries to grow disciples. Let’s not kid ourselves about that one. We recently hired a new youth pastor. I was chair of the search committee, so I made sure he was on the same page in these matters. He won’t have the problems I had, he’ll only have to clean up my messes. He’ll be a better youth pastor than I ever was. I’m now going to minister to (or kill) the parents that have been driving me crazy. The sort of change that you’re talking about has to be systemic; it can’t simply rest on the shoulders of an over-worked, under-paid youth pastor.

Great post Michael. Sorry to write a book. I just got a little fired up.

Our church is going through this right now. Most of the teens go to other church’s youth groups, which is troubling as only a couple years ago this church had over 50 kids a week attend. I think much of it had to do with the attraction to the youth leader–but that’s another story. We just started a sunday school series for all family members(in the same class).

My question: What are some good outreach activities that could involve the whole family? Many activities are teenage or up–targeted (summer missions, etc.) I’d like to take my elementary-aged kids and get them involved now. Sometimes they can be more of a distraction(which often leads to separation programs like you described.)