Comments on: Open Mic at the iMonk Cafe: Have You Ever “Lost It” in Church?

By: Danny H

Danny H — Sun, 05 Apr 2009 16:25:48 +0000

I grew up in a genuine singing and dancing and tongues charismatic nondenominational church in Detroit. We had a large stage with a large worship band and a propensity for hours of long, joyful singing, dancing, and other expressions of the spirit, and the sactuary walls were decorated all over with various colorful banners and flags declaring the majesty and beauty and authority of God.

One Sunday, the assistant pastor feels a strong calling to spiritual warfare, and takes up the sword that his father had given him upon his ordination and begins dancing with it, furiously hacking and slashing the air. The music crescendoed, his hands got a little sweaty from the exertion, and three feet of shiny Made in China steel flew across the stage and thunked point-first through the silver-and-pink “Rose of Sharon” banner and into the wall…several feet above the head of the (blessedly) short flute player.

Amazingly, everyone was lost in the spirit, the pastor scurried over to retrieve his sword and stow it under his seat where it belonged, the floutist continued fluting, and the entire youth row went from horror to disbelief to “did you see that?! Holy cow!” in a matter of seconds.

By: Christopher Zodrow

Christopher Zodrow — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 20:10:22 +0000

I was a new Christian, visiting a local church. The minister was preaching on the Rapture. He said, “It will be like a big snatch in the sky”. I looked over at my friend who was leaning over to hide his erupting laughter. The minister said it again. “It will be like a big snatch in the sky”. My friend and I tried to look down at the ground and ignore each other. As soon as I caught his eye, we burst out laughing. I had to leave.

Suffice it to say, I am not a pre-trib, pre-mil, dispensationalist, Freudian.

By: TheTentmaker

TheTentmaker — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 18:54:26 +0000

In the middle of our Sunday Worship Service, the pastor rose to deliver his homily. He closed his eyes, and grasping the well worn sides of the pulpit, began to pray:

“Lord, We thank you for this food…” (Long pause)

a muffled snort erupted from the second pew as parishioner’s opened their eyes and shot questioning glances around the room.

“…that is your word.”

Wow! Nice save!

By: Jones

Jones — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 15:39:31 +0000

Baptist church…preschool nursery…my one year old daughter was pushing a chair around the room saying sh– repeatedly… I didn’t think she had heard me say that. Later found out toddlers get their words mixed up and was combining chair and sit.

By: Ed

Ed — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 15:39:49 +0000

Do Sunday School stories count? When I was in graduate school, our Sunday School teacher had the idea to re-create a youth campfire tradition where you write a specific sin of yours on paper then throw it in the fire. Since we were inside, she decided to do this with an aluminum pie pan. Her husband had the idea of placing a large candle in the middle do help dissipate the smell. As we lit our paper and placed it in the pan, it began to melt the candle, until very shortly the entire pie pan became like a huge candle with a flame that was at least three feet tall. Things were spiraling out of control quickly, with images of the church being burnt to the ground going through all of our heads. The teacher had the idea of blowing it out â€“ she took a breath and gave a small blow to the flame with no effect. Thinking she hadnâ€™t blown hard enough, she took a huge breath, leaned forward, and blew as hard as she could. The flame was fanned, and for a moment became a huge ball of fire. As someone went to get water, I grabbed a towel which was nearby and extinguished the flame. Obviously embarrassed, the teacher continued as if everything was normal. She was unharmed, but what she didnâ€™t know was that the front of her hair and her eyebrows were very singed. For the rest of the class time, there was suppressed laughter. We tried not to look at her, but didnâ€™t want to appear rude. I can only imagine her dismay as she went to the ladies room after the class and discovered the truth. File this incident under â€œStupid Church Tricksâ€.

By: Cyndi

Cyndi — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 10:30:47 +0000

Thanks everyone -I have laughed and laughed and thoroughly enjoyed the stories!

By: Robin Smith

Robin Smith — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 16:36:19 +0000

I was leading worship on Friday night for a Bill Bright Prayer and Fasting conference in Houston, Tx, when verse three of “All Hail the Power of Jesus’ Name” popped up on the screen with the unfortunate typo: “O that with yonder sacred thong…” I’ve never led that verse again.

By: Alan

Alan — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 14:21:03 +0000

Our church has about 180 or so in the morning service. Pastor was making some point – I now have forgotten – related to watching too much TV. He started talking about a show that makes fun of Christians and that no one in this church should ever watch it. You know what show I’m talking about, he asked? The Simpsons. Being a Simpson’s fan, I turn to my wife and whisper – D’Oh. The people directly behind us heard it as well. We thought we stifled our laughter pretty good, but were approached by many after the service to find out what happened.

By: Kelley

Kelley — Sat, 21 Mar 2009 15:45:07 +0000

My now husband and I, and his best man decided to attend the church one Sunday before the wedding (since it wasn’t our own). It was a small, cute little church on the beach. I can’t remember the denomination, but it was United something and it wasn’t methodist but it was affiliated with Church of Christ.
Anyhow, we sat down, and there must’ve been like 20 people in there total. They did a little reading and sung from hymnals (which was cool), but the first hymn we sang was some song about the glory of God as creator and it talked about the universe and the atom and the like. I found this song to be pretty funny, mainly because being in that church felt quite strange and forced. And the two guys I was with (then fiancÃ© and his best man) were also finding the situation funny, so we kind of fed off of each other.
It’s not that there was any one thing that set me off, it was more of the entire atmosphere and strangeness of the place that made me laugh uncontrollably. I felt bad, because obviously others could hear. I eventually calmed down and listened to the sermon which happened to be a description of the Chronicles of Narnia movie. His intentions were good, but we were left kind of going, “what?”

By: Bob Frapples

Bob Frapples — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 04:55:03 +0000

I think Lane and I went to the same church…

I do remember the time when our pastor, who always seemed to mispronounce at least one word per week (hyperbole as “hyper-boil”, etc…)

The Sunday before Memorial Day he announced that we were going to honor all our “Veterinarians”…

And the time in a business meeting, when we were debating on whether the pianist and organist should be paid for weddings and funerals, he suggested they be given a “pituitary”. We can only assume he meant “gratuity”.