I disagree, and I applaud IM’s wonderful post.
I was in a church for many years that had the attitude of being the unique expression of the Body of Christ. We looked down on “poor Christianity” with all of its divisions and complications, and its shallow gospel. We believed that anything a person needed was with us. They did not need to go anywhere else for help, because our ministry, teachings, and practices were all-inclusive. You could definitely say that I was “married” to this church. And eventually, it became an abusive and controlling marriage.

When I left that church, I honestly thought that I had left “God’s best,” and that my Christian life could only go downhill. It took several years for me to be comfortable meeting with a dreaded denomination, part of poor Christianity, part of Babylon.

And there I found help that I never even knew I needed. My faith was restored, my love for the Lord was rekindled, and I began to deal with inward problems and frustrations that I had buried for years because I was too busy serving the previous church. I received help for my personal life, help for my marriage, and help for my following of Christ as an individual and as a member of a church community. My life has been “a tale of two churches,” from one extreme of sectarian legalism, to another extreme of love, grace, and forgiveness.

The turning point for me in making me feel at home in the new church was when I heard the main pastor encourage everyone to be married to Christ, and not to the church. (After all, we are the bride of Christ.) He insisted that the goal of this church was not to gain people for the church’s sake, but to help people love and follow the Lord, and to take care of needs among the congregation and society at large. After so many years in a controlling and cultish sect, I was shocked when this pastor said, “There are many great churches in this city. If there is any place that would help you more, please go there and don’t feel condemned. We are here for you, you are not here for us. We are free in Christ and not in bondage to religious obligations.” It’s no wonder to me that with such a perspective, the Lord has blessed this church abundantly.

If you see a particular church as your “spouse,” then a problem will come if the spouse becomes abusive or controlling. But we are not married to any particular church or congregation, we are married to Christ Himself. He has the freedom to lead us and guide us where our needs and His needs can best be met. My “marriage” to that first church was eventually like a shotgun marriage, and for many years I stayed out of fear and obligation, not out of an experience of grace.

If in that first church, there had been the attitude of “we don’t have it all, there are other places that may meet your needs better than we can,” that alone would have been a protection to us. Our arrogance was our downfall. Some brothers and sisters needed particular help, but never received it because of our “one size fits all” mentality. They even felt guilty reading Christian books on marriage because they were written by people outside of our little sect.

My new church is not something I’m married to, it’s simply an imperfect home where the Lord has brought me to enjoy a ministry of oil and wine, until He returns. No, we are not “shoppers,” but we are citizens of a heavenly kingdom that is greater than any sect or denomination. The Body of Christ is larger than our narrow little concepts. And those of us who follow Him should feel free to direct people to anywhere in the Body of Christ that renders them the most help, and that allows the Lord’s purposes for them to be fulfilled, so that He Himself can be satisfied.

With apparently the new “thing” in pastoral models being the macho, tough/trash-talking, alpha-male persona to attract men with a higher testosterone level to church, you bet there is going to be a felt need to kick sand in someone’s face. They won’t all be wearing biker boots, but the outcome will be the same.

I guarantee that in those churches where the most fire-breathing against outsiders is occurring, there is an equal amount of abuse on the inside against its own members. It’s all so cool at first be a part of a group that acts like the top dog – biting, ridiculing and criticizing other groups, but those fangs will eventually be turned inside the group to uncover the “true” members. Then it’s not so fun.

This post is very much in the spirit of Eclectic Christian. Would you mind if I reposted it there?

Yes, it is OK to have supper with another family once in a while. But if I want an open marriage,and have lots of different partners in order to “see what’s out there, to learn more” I might be creating more problems.

The model of the church as a store is really what is so wrong about churches in America right now. I do go to other church worship services, and I believe in ecumenical study and worship and I do believe that ecumenical community work is good, but telling someone to go to another church to get something missing in my church can be seen like going to another spouse for what ever is missing in a marriage. We are not shoppers.

You’re right (and Kringle, in the movie, is right) but the thinking of quite a few churches—certain independent ones in particular—is that if you don’t have perfect orthodoxy, you don’t have Jesus, and sending people to less-than-orthodox churches is no different than sending them to pagans.

Of course, this lack of generosity is also somewhat evident in their ministries and outreach, too. They tend to suck at giving to the needy.