October 18, 2017

Midweek Monkery 5/8/13

monks ale

luther-shadesI Can’t Believe I Didn’t DVR This

How did this happen? I apparently missed the media event of the winter. Where were my iMonks? I needed you!

According to the New York Times, NRK, the state broadcaster of Norway, ran their TV show, “National Firewood Night,” back in February. Somehow, they found a way to edit it down to twelve hours — four hours of produced television followed by eight hours of a live fireplace burning and being tended. You read that right — eight hours.

About the first part: “We’ll be sawing, we’ll be splitting, we’ll be stacking and we’ll be burning,” said the host, Rebecca Nedregotten Strand, promising to “try to get to the core of Norwegian firewood culture — because firewood is the foundation of our lives.”

Following the exploration of this culture, the real excitement started. The “action” moved to a farmhouse where an NRK photographer tended a live fireplace. Her face never appeared and there was rarely any sound but that of the flickering flames. However, occasionally her hand could be seen adding wood to the fire or cooking marshmallows or sausages. Viewers could participate via Facebook and make suggestions as to where to place the logs.

One viewer said, ““I couldn’t go to bed because I was so excited. When will they add new logs? Just before I managed to tear myself away, they must have opened the flue a little, because just then the flames shot a little higher.”

And I missed it.

* * *

luther-shadesNow I Am Really Confused

Culture warriors have a new issue to confront in the battle for sexual morals: septesexuality.

National Geographic introduces us to Tetrahymena thermophila, a tiny, single-celled organism that has seven sexes. Now I’ll be the first to say, I don’t even know what that means, much less how to explain it. But you can go to NG and read it for yourself.

The rest of us can simply imagine the sitcom possibilities.

luther-shadesrapture3Rapture Update

At the always funny Lark News, I found this important theological news we all apparently missed. No word from Harold Camping.

OTTAWA — The Rapture occurred last Tuesday at 9:43 a.m. Greenwich Mean Time and took both people on the planet whose theology was exactly correct.

Dan Wilson of Ottawa, Canada, was snatched away while sleeping.

“He spent years refining his eschatological scheme,” says his wife. “Just last week he told me he had it all right, but I still disagreed with him on a minor point. I regret that now.”

Rejna Thanawalla of New Delhi, India, also experienced the Rapture, say friends.

“She knew exactly what the books of Revelation and Daniel meant,” they say. “Sadly, none of us listened to her.”

In a surprise, Tim LaHaye says he was “slightly wrong on the subject of the Beast,” and was left behind. Other prophecy experts say they, too, botched minor points in their end times charts.

“Looks like we’ll have to stay and wait this out,” said one disappointed pastor.

* * *

luther-shadesFrom the Feline Ennui Department

Today, I want to introduce you to one of my new (anti-) heroes.

He is Henri.

The Existential Cat.

You can find more videos of him on YouTube.

If you desire.

But perhaps you lack desire.

Or hope.

Like Henri.

 

 

 

Comments

  1. Robert F says:

    Seven sexes? That’s impossible! Everybody knows that there were only TWO of each kind on the Ark!

    • Can’t be! The Bible is Inerrant !!????

    • Read the text people: This must explain why their were seven pairs of some animals. 🙂

      Genesis7:2 Take with you seven pairs of every kind of clean animal, a male and its mate, and one pair of every kind of unclean animal, a male and its mate, 3 and also seven pairs of every kind of bird, male and female, to keep their various kinds alive throughout the earth.

  2. “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, and…”

    …And it looks like most of the rest of the solar system will finally have a sex to claim as their own!

  3. Randy Thompson says:

    Now that we live in New Hampshire and use a wood stove for virtually all of our heat during the winter, the Norwegian “Firewood Night” makes sense to me. There is something very soothing about watching someone cutting, splitting, stacking and burning wood. It’s reality TV, without the jerks.

    • Headless Unicorn Guy says:

      Watching a fire burn in a fireplace for eight hours beats Honey Boo Boo or Kardashian du Jour.

    • Rick Ro. says:

      Oh, how I wish John Lennon was still on earth to see Norwegian Firewood Night.

  4. Headless Unicorn Guy says:

    OTTAWA — The Rapture occurred last Tuesday at 9:43 a.m. Greenwich Mean Time and took both people on the planet whose theology was exactly correct.

    Dan Wilson of Ottawa, Canada, was snatched away while sleeping.

    “He spent years refining his eschatological scheme,” says his wife. “Just last week he told me he had it all right, but I still disagreed with him on a minor point. I regret that now.”

    I am a veteran of The Gospel According to Hal Lindsay in the Seventies. All I can say about this is “It’s Funny Because It’s True” — Lark News pegged the attitude exactly. Back then, I experienced Christians to whom the only thing that matters is Getting The End Time Prophecy Checklist Exactly Right. It was the obsessive mania of the time, THE Only Thing That Mattered In The Sight of God (Move over, YEC…)

    Though I have to differ with the lead-in about “those whose theology was exactly correct.” Perfectly Parsed Theology is more the sign of the Young, Restless, and TRULY Reformed; this is more Perfectly Parsed Eschatology (using the common contemporary definition of Eschatology as Pin-the-Tail-on-The-Antichrist).

    And the competing theory as to why NOBODY will get it right. Never mind that not even Jesus knew (and said so in so many words), could you imagine the Spiritual Pride of a guy who DID get it exactly right? Guy would be insufferable for all eternity.

  5. Christiane says:

    FUN stuff!
    enjoyed this

  6. Rick Ro. says:

    I know the little “Beatnik Monk with Sunglasses” graphic appeared on last week’s Midweek Monkery, but he seemed especially suited for today’s blurbs. Fun, good-natured stuff today! Thanks, CM!

  7. Chaplain Mike, I don’t understand what you don’t understand about the firewood show. I mean, me and Joanie get it. Chainsaws are part of the background noise here in Maine. And with all the junk on cable TV, who wouldn’t want their 42-inch flat screen making like a fireplace? Especially if they heated with oil?

    Just yesterday I went next door and watched my neighbor (and third cousin once removed) play with his new firewood processor. Now this is cool. Not just a wood splitter, this thing can muckle onto a big honkin’ tree-length log, drag it up the chute where it gets cut off into stove lengths, drops down onto the splitter part, split four ways and then pushed up another chute into the back of a truck or onto a conveyer belt.

    I’ll ask him if I can rig a webcam so you can watch him next winter. He’s busy lobstering this time of year.

    • You know, I lived in Vermont, so I get the firewood thing. The real firewood thing. I miss chopping wood and tending the fire. Not sure the TV version would do it for me.

      • BTW I always tell people that my marriage was in a lot better shape too, when I could go out and chop wood. Wife agrees.

      • Mike, I bet that TV show is just the thing during those long, cold, dark Norwegian winters. I mean, you’ve got your own fire, and then you’ve got the TV equivalent of the old WWOR (NYC) Yule Log on the tube, so what’s not to like?

        I bet it soothes the soul during winter Up There.

    • Randy Thompsonr says:

      Chainsaws are the background music for life in New Hampshire too, at least rural New Hampshire.