Chaplain Mike received this update from Denise Spencer today.
It is with a heavy heart that I bring my latest update on Michael. We have learned that his cancer is too advanced and too aggressive to expect any sort of remission. Our oncologist estimates that with continued treatment Michael most likely has somewhere between six months and a year to live. This is not really a surprise to us, though it is certainly horrible news. From the very beginning, both of us have suspected that this would prove to be an extremely bad situation. I don’t know why; perhaps God was preparing us for the worst all along by giving us that intuition.
The combination of the cancer and the chemotherapy is keeping Michael in a very weakened state. He is in bed all day, getting up once or twice only to eat a “meal.” His meals consist mostly of Ensure, with occasional mugs of soup, dishes of ice cream and milkshakes. He’s still taking fluids well, currently preferring Sprite and ginger ale. His tastes do change slightly from time to time, and I try to be ready to jump in whatever direction they seem to be moving. He is in no pain at all, for which I am unspeakably grateful.
Michael went through a period of depression, as I’m sure you would expect. He seems to have come through that now, for the most part. He knows he is dying, and he says he is at peace. Though he will still say with unashamed honesty, “I don’t want it to all be over at age 53!” he has the confidence of knowing that he has run the race God set out for him. He believes he has done the work our Lord intended for him to do, and if the last task God has for him in this life is dying, then he will do that to the best of his ability.
Through all of this, in every phase of illness, diagnosis and treatment, Michael’s faith has not wavered. I know most readers love Michael for, among other things, the transparency of his writings. If I may be allowed such honesty for just a moment, I will confess that I have been amazed at how strong Michael has been spiritually and emotionally from the very beginning of this ghastly journey. Day by day I continue to see the Holy Spirit at work in him, molding him, softening him, giving him a more childlike faith than I believe he has ever known. When the moment comes, I am assured Michael will be ready. I am the one who doesn’t want to let go.
Words can never express our gratitude for every thought, every gift, every note, every prayer you have blessed us with. Please pray for continued peace and strength for Michael, for me, and for Noel and Clay. This is the most difficult thing we have ever been through, and only with God’s help can we make it.
I cannot begin to imagine how difficult this is for you both. You continue to be in my prayers. God watch, keep you. May He shower His mercy and grace upon you, and give you peace. For His Sake.
I have found so much pure gold here; so much that resonated with me on my own journey and my own walk as a minister. Thank you- even though I have never met you and I live in a different continent.
Words seem so cheap at this time, but I pray that God will continue to hold you and your family.
I’m very downcast about this. A cold gray rainy day in Minnesota just got a little harder to take. I have never met Michael, but have counted him a good friend and brother. His podcasts and blog have been an ongoing source of encouragement and thoughtful stimulation to me for the last couple of years.
I’m praying for you Michael and Denise and family.
I don’t have much more than words to give, as it is by words, Michael, that you have touched me.
You have helped nurture my growth from a ex-fringe-Mormon-agnostic to a more confident, yet more comfortable-with-uncertainty Believer in Christ;
You have strengthened my trust and faith-centeredness in Jesus;
You have helped to comfort me so that I can, with more charity and grace, worship in a community with which I don’t always feel I fully belong;
You have been more spiritually transparent and real than younger pastors whom I love and consider friends; and have affected my soul more than family members who have lived longer.
I wish I could call you my friend, Michael. Yet I consider you my brother in Christ. Because of your ministry here I have come to value that identity as much — and in a few ways, more — than friends whom I know in “real life.”
I’ve prayed for you and your family. I will continue.
This is just devastating. You are all in our prayers.
Mike,
I’m a very recent listener and reader. God brought internetmonk.com across my path to help me find my way out of the “clown car that is American evangelicalism.” The 10 or 12 weeks that I was able to hear your podcast had made it a habit, and you will be missed by this once Independent Fundamental Baptist legalistic pietist cum historic confessional Baptist. Thanks for blazing the trail.
I have been praying for you since the first report of sickness, and will continue to do so.
I really don’t know what to say except I’m so sorry. I have so enjoyed this blog over the last several years; you have given me new perspectives, and helped me walk through some difficult issues. Your insights have been invaluable to my faith walk.
I am praying for you and your family.
Michael Spencer has influenced me as much as any pastor or writer of any time. I think that 100 years from now people will still be talking about him. He has changed me and I’d like to see that change happen in the christian world.
I am praying for Michael and his family.
We have had our differences in the past, but none of that means anything now (to me).
One day, we will have some laughs over it all, in Heaven, and talk about how his Big Red Machine always whooped my Dodgers whenever I went to see them play.
Please tell him that Steve Martin loves him.
Thanks.
ΚÏÏιε á¼Î»Îησον,
ΧÏιστὲ á¼Î»Îησον,
ΚÏÏιε á¼Î»Îησο.
Lord, have mercy;
Christ, have mercy;
Lord, have mercy
IMonk has helped me, like many others, through many dark hours in my faith journey. I thank God the time that led me to find this site. Thank you Michael for helping me to live with my faith and profound doubt. This is a celebration of a life through which so many are blessed.
Michael, Denise, Noel and Clay, someone in one of the biggest Muslim country is praying for your family.
Jesu Juva.
This breaks my heart. The ideas and words and concepts I have read from Michael have been foundational to my faith and have helped mold it from something flimsy and fragile into an earthquake-proof, steel-framed building.
I don’t know how to feel right now, but I am pretty sure Michael would say to praise the God who gives and takes away, and that is exactly what I will do.
Denise, my prayers are with you during this trial. Michael, my prayers are with you, that you might welcome Him with open arms and not be afraid, ever, for He is your father and He has called you home.
Mr. Spencer,
I just wanted to say that I have been following your blog for almost a year now, and it has brought me so much blessing and given me hope at a time when I was going through a great deal of stress and disillusionment with my own life in Christ and with his Church in America. Largely because of your writings, I have experienced a renewed hope that we Christians in America and throughout the world can indeed navigate our way to a closer walk with God in such an uncertain world.
I pray that if it is the Lord’s will, that he not take you from us just yet, but regardless, know that you have impacted this believer’s walk with God for the better in a way that few people have, and I never thought that it could be done through such a medium.
Blessings and prayers for you and your family!
Dan D.
I’ve been following Internet Monk since I was a junior in high school (I’m now a junior in College).
Through this site he’s taught me and been an example.
I am really saddened by this news.
I will be praying for you and your family Michael, peace.
God’s grace and mercy and love and comfort and peace and everything else good that flows from Him be with you, Michael, and you, Denise, and your entire family.
Joining with all the others, I will be praying for all of you in this. I know we bow at His Sovereignty and would not want anything but His purpose. But I also know He has told us to ask. I am. God bless you.
Denise, thank you for sharing this with us so we can pray accordingly. Thank you for sharing Michael with us.
My husband and I so appreciate Michael’s transparency in living this life, his Kentucky-isms, (me) any mention of The Ohio State Buckeyes, his wit, his encouragement, and his annual welcoming of Spring through the Reds. As we know, all of our bodies are dying. The way Michael is living has spurred me to remember that and remember what this life is and is not about.
I’m so sorry to hear this news. I’ve always thought this a wonderful sight, because Michael is such a thoughtful man, never shrill or harsh. He always respects others’ beliefs. I hope his time will be as pain-free as possible.
Michael, God has used you to enable me to step out of the evangelical box and to see Him for who He is. Through you He has opened my ears to listen to the voices of believers from other traditions. I have seen unity in Christ among His children, even when we don’t all see Him from the same perspective. He has used you as a facilitator and catalyst in my spiritual growth. Thank you.
You have shared many of your life struggles with us in the blog world. Thank you for letting us see that God doesn’t strike us dead for asking questions.
I will continue to pray for God’s grace for you and Denise and your children in the days and nights ahead.
My heart is so heavy after reading this. I’ve been reading Michael’s posts and listening to the podcast for several years, and I just want to say that he’s touched my life more than I can say. You’ll all be in our prayers. May God’s peace be with you.
I discovered and began to read Michael when problems arose at my former church in dealing with church growth movement change. Michael’s educated (and also funny) opinions and thoughts about mega churches and their effects on Christianity made me realize I was not alone in my resistance to the excesses of the movement. As time went on, Michael’s willingness to expose his personal vulnerabilities and foibles even more endeared me to him, as I was used to a clergy that was defensive and closed, never admitting fault or mistake. Michael’s journey from being a narrow Reformed Christian to being willing to see value in many Christian walks also put him way light years beyond the average Christian blogger, and following that journey was fascinating and enlightening.
I am deeply saddened by what has happened. Michael could have much more to contribute to modern Christian understanding and I am praying that God will miraculously intervene to allow that, but he has already left a legacy of what it means for a Christian to confront evil, to accept new ideas, and to open his heart and mind to others. I have been blessed to accompany him on his journey.
The virtuous man handles the troubles of life altogether decorously. Aristotle.
Since everyone goes through death, even God, make your death something beautiful as did Christ. Your death is your participation and doing over of Christ’s death. O man have courage! Your reward and rest await!
Axios!
I am so sorry to hear this. Like others here, I have appreciated Michael’s honesty and raw faith, and the example he has shown of living out (post-)evangelical Christianity.
St. Joseph, patron of a happy death, watch over Michael in these days.
Mary, Mother of Sorrows, comfort this family.
Christ, come out to meet Michael and journey with him to the Father’s house.
Thank you for your ministry. Thanks for helping me understand that Christianity really is all about grace. For giving me permission to have doubts, to fail, to not have everything figured out, and to be a broken human who is loved by a gracious Father, THANK YOU.
I am praying for my friend, Michael Spencer. Although I never met him in person, he has been a gracious, kind, and generous dialogue partner over the years.
May God be with Michael and his family.
With deep affection,
Frank
I am so saddened to read this news ….May God grant comfort and peace for your family while girding you with strength. Thank you for your inspiration, Michael, and may the angels of heaven surround you.
With love,
amy
You are in my prayers. We haven’t of course met, but you have had such a positive influence upon my walk with God through your writings and podcasts. Whenever my spiritual life was in upheaval, which was often, you were “there” offering a little clarity. Thank you so very much.
Thank you Michael. God bless you.
Michael,
Haven’t been here in a while. I had to cut way back on my blog reading for various reasons. But then I heard the bad news. So sorry for you and your family. Thanks so much for the Internet Monk. It was a real morale builder knowing that I wasn’t alone in trying to be thoughtful about my (post-)evangelical faith. My thoughts are prayers are with you and your family.
as a longtime reader of this blog, whose faith has been buoyed & encouraged by Michael’s wonderful essays for years, this news hurts my heart to the core…am continuing to pray for both of you, Michael & Denise.
Unfortunate for his family, and us, and painful for him, certainly in the physical sense, but we are all appointed once to die. May God bless him with a peaceful death.
Have mercy on me oh God, in your goodness;
in your abundant compassion blot out my offense.
Wash away all my guilt; from my sin cleanse me.
For I know my offense; my sin is always before me.
Against you alone have I sinned;
I have done such evil in your sight.
Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out all my guilt.
Create a clean heart in me O God,
and put a new and right spirit within me.
Cast me not away from thy presence,
and take not thy holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, and sustain in me a willing spirit.
Our dear and much beloved Michael Spencer,
Your wisdom has been a blessing and your wit a real pleasure. Your words have shaped me and countless others beyond comprehension. May our Lord Jesus grant you and your family peace. We will never, and I mean never(!), forget you. As long as you remain with us, please continue to send word along. I’ll keep praying.
With all the love imaginable,
Alexander Manlius
Please know that Heidi and I are praying for you both daily! May you know and experience the powerful grace and mercy of God like never before!
Tim and Heidi Guthrie
May God’s love be felt present with you, somehow even now, especially now.
Michael, your writing has meant a lot to me, and I am so sad about what is happening. You are in my prayers.
Grieving. Grieving as those who have hope, but still grieving. I only found Mike’s blog about a year ago and I am very grateful for the real-life, transparent, honest stories he has shared. They have humbled me and made me aware of situations and people beyond my sphere. Thank you, Mike for lifting a veil. You are a blessing…
I’ve only begun to read this blog a month ago and I’m still trying to catch up. You certainly have put your heart into it. My prayer is for God to bring you back to health to continue this good work.
Glen
“Lov’n the Lord & liv’n the Life…”
Michael has ministered to me for years, affecting my understanding of evangelicalism, ministry, sermonizing, marriage, church growth. through this form I met many who I now call friend. Imonk’s ministry to me has been vital to my writing, my ministry and even my marriage. I will pray for Denise to have God’s own strength.
Our prayers are with you all.
I only recently stumbled across Michael’s blog, As so many others have said, his frank and honest writing about the issues facing the church have been comforting and also poignant. His transparency about his own feelings and observations, which have been completely free of artiface or pat conclusions, have been a breath of fresh air.
I suspect you will all never know just how many people have read an imonk article at some point and come away with some helpful thought. And of course, I cannot speak to Michaels years of ministry off the internet.
Thank you, and God bless you.
My prayers and thoughts are with you all. I am thankful for Michael’s ministry. His willingness to say it like it is has given encouragement to many who have concerns for the path much of Christianity has taken.
May the Lord bless and keep you.
I am someone who has been in and out of the Faith for many years. Ironically, it was during my most recent bout with doubt that I discovered the Internet Monk – your post last year about atheism was recommended on an atheist bulletin board that I subscribed to. Even though I didn’t agree with your belief system (and still don’t to some extent), I really appreciated your compassion and refusal to blanketly condemn all atheists as “evil” or “immoral” as some Christians tend to do. I am only just now starting to pray again, haltingly and uncertainly, but you are in my prayers for whatever that’s worth.
Wow. I am speechless and my heart is heavy.
In 2009, my wife and I lost our brother. He died with a brain tumor and he was 30. We take heart that he was the Lord’s and the Lord was his. My wife and I will join you in your suffering for the Lord.
Mike doesn’t know me other than that I have visited here and commented a few times, but he is a blessing to me and has given me much to think about. I will continue to pray for the Spencer family.
Continue to be well my friends.
I have had the amazing priviledge of listening to imonk’s podcasts and reading this blog and enjoying a cynical, and for once, honest portrayal of the church and Christianity. I can tell from the comments that I have read that the internetmonk has had more influence on people like me–young adults who are searching for truth–than he may ever know.
Best wishes–
CG
I have been waiting for a post like this, and I am sorry to see it. Blessings to Michael and his whole family.
Michael, thank you for your words. I will not forget them.
I’ve never felt so deeply for someone I never really met. Michael’s writings have been a beacon of hope to me. None will ever know the impact he has had on countless.
Imonk I hope you are overwhelmed with blessing, as God has used you as a fount to so many. Like so many others here I am still holding out for a miracle.
May God look upon you with the eyes of His mercy, comfort you with a sense of His goodness, preserve you from the temptation of the enemy, and give you patience under your affliction.
Michael and Denise, Clay and Noel,
You are loved, and highly regarded, and deeply cared for.
And not just by a community of believers all over the globe. But also by a Savior whom was not taken by surprise by this, and is working even in this situation for His purposes and for your best.
His ways are not our own, and though He may send us through the fire…He is good and He will not leave us alone to fend for ourselves.
One day He will bring you all to completion, as He has promised in His Word.
Perhaps Jesus will do a mighty miracle on your behalf.
Whatever He does, rest in the fact that He loves you all and is with you every second of the day, throughout this entire process.
There aren’t words. Michael, you focused on Jesus no matter what, and put Him at the center of everything, and that taught me to do the same.
I’ve said this before, but I can’t wait to knock back some wine with you one day. That will be a good day. Love and grace and peace.
Grace and peace, Michael. And thank you for all you have offered to us.
I stumbled onto this blog a few years ago when I was an unbeliever who was skeptical and yet curious about the faith. Reading this blog was one of the things that helped lead me to Christ. It’s hard to know what to say in a time like this, I just want to thank you so much for the wisdom, honesty, and love of Christ you’ve shown in your writings. They have helped me so much. I’m deeply saddened by this news and my prayers are for you and your family.
I am just, so, so sorry. As a wandering agnostic, michaels site has been a ‘Godsend’….?(Ha Ha, maybe that’s saying something!!!) No but really, Godspeed to you Michael……