Chaplain Mike received this update from Denise Spencer today.
It is with a heavy heart that I bring my latest update on Michael. We have learned that his cancer is too advanced and too aggressive to expect any sort of remission. Our oncologist estimates that with continued treatment Michael most likely has somewhere between six months and a year to live. This is not really a surprise to us, though it is certainly horrible news. From the very beginning, both of us have suspected that this would prove to be an extremely bad situation. I don’t know why; perhaps God was preparing us for the worst all along by giving us that intuition.
The combination of the cancer and the chemotherapy is keeping Michael in a very weakened state. He is in bed all day, getting up once or twice only to eat a “meal.” His meals consist mostly of Ensure, with occasional mugs of soup, dishes of ice cream and milkshakes. He’s still taking fluids well, currently preferring Sprite and ginger ale. His tastes do change slightly from time to time, and I try to be ready to jump in whatever direction they seem to be moving. He is in no pain at all, for which I am unspeakably grateful.
Michael went through a period of depression, as I’m sure you would expect. He seems to have come through that now, for the most part. He knows he is dying, and he says he is at peace. Though he will still say with unashamed honesty, “I don’t want it to all be over at age 53!” he has the confidence of knowing that he has run the race God set out for him. He believes he has done the work our Lord intended for him to do, and if the last task God has for him in this life is dying, then he will do that to the best of his ability.
Through all of this, in every phase of illness, diagnosis and treatment, Michael’s faith has not wavered. I know most readers love Michael for, among other things, the transparency of his writings. If I may be allowed such honesty for just a moment, I will confess that I have been amazed at how strong Michael has been spiritually and emotionally from the very beginning of this ghastly journey. Day by day I continue to see the Holy Spirit at work in him, molding him, softening him, giving him a more childlike faith than I believe he has ever known. When the moment comes, I am assured Michael will be ready. I am the one who doesn’t want to let go.
Words can never express our gratitude for every thought, every gift, every note, every prayer you have blessed us with. Please pray for continued peace and strength for Michael, for me, and for Noel and Clay. This is the most difficult thing we have ever been through, and only with God’s help can we make it.
I found this blog very recently, and it gave me hope. Hope is good. I’m still going to hold on to hope (and pray) for a recovery. Also praying for peace and comfort for Michael and his family.
Prayers from this corner of the world as well. I’ve never met you but appreciate all that you have done and given. Thank you iMonk, may your pain be small and your suffering be short. May God call you home where you can rest peacefully as a good and faithful servant deserves.
Denise;
I am so sorry to get your news, more than words can tell. I only came to this website during the past year and have appreciated the wise and life affirming messages it has contained. This blog has helped me to feel a clarity about God’s love for all of us. I have missed your husband’s presence but truly appreciate Chaplain Mike’s stewardship.
The privilege God has given you of caring for Michael is such a painful blessing. Trust God will be there with you both.
Julie
No words, just a sense of loss. Thankful that Mike leaves a legacy both here at this blog and in the forthcoming book. Sometimes it’s hard to remember that God is good but I believe Michael would exhort us to not forget that.
My husband was 54 when he died 9 years ago from cancer. He too fought hard to live and wasn’t ready to die. Two days before his death he told me to get a pad of paper and a pen. He proceeded to give me his entire funeral outline for the pastor to use for his service. The next day he went into a coma. The following day, about 1 hour before he left he used his body to get my attention. I moved to his right side and talked to him and held his hand. He became peaceful then. He was not afraid to go with God, but he wanted me with him. When my mother died 5 years earlier, and then my husband I remember feeling that dying was as holy as being born. It was not frightening. And peace and joy are present.
Death is evil and our consequence for evil. It makes one mad at the Devil and the Fall. But this is all conquered by our Lord, Jesus Christ. And we have great hope and confidence. Our time here is so small in light of eternity. That is where I want to be. Heaven is my home.
God love you, be with you, and bless you with confidence and strength. I am praying for you because it is an emotionally draining time.
Thank you, Denise, for the update on Michael. Continued prayers for peace, strength, and courage for all the Spencers. Michael, your work has been better than you could possibly know.
I will be praying for Michael and his family.
Michael and Denise, Our prayers are with you and your family at this time.
The website I have referenced is not mine, but it belongs to Dr. Roger Sapp. I have a little experience of God’s healing and know others who have seen much, much more. See the prayer request area of Roger’s web site.
Thank you for the update. No words can really express how sorry I am that you are going through this. Michael, Denise and family: Hang in there, Spencers. May the peace of Christ be with you always.
For Michael to run his race so strongly and faithfully, even at this stage of his illness, is going to bless so many people for so many years to come. God will be glorified, and rather than holding God in contempt, Michael has chosen to be a vessel for demonstrating that glory. As always, I am in awe of this godly man, and amply challenged to live my own life in such a way that pleases God.
God bless you all, come what may.
Mike and Denise, Since my move from eastern KY we’ve lost touch with you and did not know about your illness. Our prayers remember all of you as the Lord continues to work out his will in your lives. I still treasure those days at OBI when you asked me to preach. Thankful for all you’ve done for the Lord, the lives influenced and the testimony of faith you continue to give.
Bill and Rebecca Whittaker
Heavy hearts everywhere. Michael has impacted more Christian leaders than he’ll ever know. I wonder how many pastors around the world are sitting in their church office, like me today, shedding tears in secret over this news.
May God comfort and encourage Denise, Michael and family as Michael has encouraged and brought us hope and encouragement over the past years. You are surrounded by many prayers in the days ahead.
Finish the race strong and prepare to receive the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus!
I met Michael two years ago. He has helped put into words thoughts I have had, challenged my thinking, and encouraged me to love Jesus more. I am thankful for his life and work. I am thankful that we will get to have him a little while longer. I am thankful for his friends and family that are carrying him these days. Thank you for your love demonstrated in service.
I’m deeply saddened that your diagnosis is terminal. I will continue to lift up you and Denise thru this time. I will continue to pray for God’s healing presence that is beyond us, and also, that he will walk with you down whatever road he has prepared for you.
You have been a friend and mentor thru a difficult season in my life the past two years.
Holy Spirit come…
My prayers are with you and your family.
2 Corinthians 4:16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. 17 For our light affliction, which is but for a moment is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory.
Romans 8:18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.
I read about your situation on PJ Miller’s blog. Death is the great separator, but for those of us who BELIEVE it is only temporary. (We’ve lost 2 kids.)
Have peace in Christ.
Praying…
M’Kayla
May God be with all of you at this terrible time. We are praying for you.
Michael, We did not cross paths online as often as I would have liked. But I always found you to be a gentleman and a lover of Christ. May his presence be sweet to you at this time. May he comfort and strengthen you. May you know joy in the midst of real sorrow. And may your wife and family know all this too. As I write this I thank God for the resurrection of Jesus which means that we have a hope even in the face of news like this. God richly bless you.
Michael and Denise,
Every Sunday when the people of St. Thomas in-the-Fields Anglican Church in Gibsonia PA gather for the Eucharist, we lift you and your family up in our prayers. The two of you have been a source of inspiration, consolation, and challenge to me and my ministry for more than four years, and nothing either of you has written has been anything but Light and Truth. May the Lord give you every assurance of His Presence, and may He drive all bodily pain and all distress and anxiety of soul and spirit far from you. And may He grant the peace which passes all understanding.
iMonk,
I’ve never posted here before. Seems almost a day late, now, but anyway.
Back in 2004, you wrote the essay “When I am Weak”. Back in 2007, I read it.
To say that it saved my life is only a very minor exaggeration. I have tried to speak in a similar fashion ever since. I do not always succeed. But our God is gracious.
Bless you, brother, from a young SBCer. The Word of the Lord does not return void.
This is truly sad news and like everyone here my heart goes out to you, MIchael, and to Denise, to your kids and your friends.
But I won’t pity you, dear brother, because though you suffer now, you sit on heaven’s doorstep. Stay firm in the faith and keep your eyes on the coming reward
“He will keep you strong to the end, so that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. God, who has called you into fellowship with his Son Jesus Christ our Lord, is faithful.” – 1 Cor. 1:8-9
Michael and Denise:
God bless both of you. I stumbled on to the Internet Monk a year or so ago and I have been richly blessed by Michael’s wisdom, Godliness, honesty and humility. I look forward to meeting you in heaven.
Tom
Thank you for passing this on. Love and solemn solace are my prayers for all of us, now.
I am so very sorry to hear this news. I have not always agreed with Michael, but I have always been challenged in my thinking, over many years, reading this website. May God give Michael and his family the comfort that only He can provide. In Christian love, SLF
The only thing to say, is the most important thing: we’re praying for grace, mercy and peace.
Though I don’t comment here often, iMonk’s writings have been an inspiration and at times precisely the rebuke I needed for the direction my life and thoughts were taking. I will dearly miss the indirect shepherding he provided my life, and hope that this site will remain online so I can benefit from archives of his often scathing wit and wisdom in the future.
Past that, words fail me in expressing my sense of impending loss. The world will be poorer for having lost Michael Spencer, and heaven will grow that much the richer.
This is one of those situations for which there are no adequate words in English (or any other language) to completely convey our thoughts. Be assured that you and your family are in our prayers. May God grant you grace and peace.
May the God who lives in the midst of our suffering, be very present…may he love and comfort you all. Our family’s deepest prayers are with you.
Will pray for Micheal and your family. May God use this time of suffering for His Glory. For we consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us (Romans 8:18).
I don’t even know what to say. I’m sorry for the prognosis and Michael’s suffering. Peace be with you all. Thank you, Michael, for being a voice of sanity in the midst of a weird evangelical world. Thank you for your faithfulness. Our family’s prayers for you will continue.
Michael’s attitudes and his complete honesty, as well as his loving attitude have been a true example of both Christian scholarship and Christian charity.
I just want to express my thanks for Michael’s life and my sadness at this news. May God’s peace be with you all.
our prayers with you and Mike-peace
you will be in our prayers – Micheal your writing has been an inspiration for me as I try to walk close to God on this journey – I can’t wait to read you’re book. peace be with you & you’re family. This is a very strange thing to me because this is the only blog site that I ever felt encouraged enough to post to. I feel like I know your life story but you are still a stranger in this world, but a brother in the family of God. your work has touched so many lives, including mine threw your writing. I’m sure you will continue to be a light for Christ in this trying time. peace in Christ
I’m at a loss for words…I have loved the IMonk for several years and He has helped open my eyes to grace and freedom in Christ that I have never known. Sending you hugs and much love from this corner of Texas…
Know you are loved.
Michael & Denise,
I love you both so much. We believers are family, and we know there will come a time when we’re all together. I can’t wait to meet Michael.
I have known a few like Michael, and I always wonder what it feels like to know that God has sent you to help us in this life. It’s easy to be distracted by the things of the world. I do know that our tears will be for ourselves and our loss. Michael, however, will be with our Lord. There will be no more sorrow in His heart.
I’ve been praying for y’all daily here in Oxford, England, and will keep doing so. A Mass will be offered for Michael at the Oxford University Catholic Chaplaincy.
You’ve run a heck of a race. Well done.
I spoke to our chaplain, and Michael’s Mass is on the books for this coming Sunday. May this Lenten time in your life lead you to an Easter greater than you have ever imagined.
May the Power of His Presence surround you and your family, with peace and the warmth
of His Love.
LOVE YOU BROTHER!
I am so sorry to hear this, as Michael’s writing has blessed many. May all of you continue to know God’s grace in all ways.
This website has been such a blessing to me. Michael’s writings have given voice and answer to the questions I have struggled and wrestled with. It gave me permission to ask the tougher questions, and to know without doubt that God still loves me. I am forever thankful and changed. Praying for peace for the entire family during this time. With love, Natasha
Honesty. Sadly so rare today. What a breath of fresh air Michael’s comments have been.
Thank you.
You are being prayed for.
I’m a long time reader (and fellow colorectal cancer patient) who discovered Michael’s writings about 5 years ago. He’s been a daily read for me ever since. Michael’s “post-evangelical” voice is something the church needs to hear, and his honesty about depression, doubt, and faith is always inspiring. My prayers go out to you and your family.
Michael’s writing has been a good friend to me in the midst of my own frustrations and spiritual wanderings. Thank you for sharing so much of your self.
Grace and peace be with you and yours brother.
This simply makes me sad. I have read this blog for the past few years, years which have not been good for me, but I usually found something to help here. God bless you Michael and family. You are an inspiration to so many whom you have never met.
Like others I only recently found Michael’s site, he has had the single biggest impact on me of any single person.
My heart is filled with sadness and my eyes with tears, all I can say is thank you for all you have done.
May God’s grace and peace be with you both at this time.
-Paul-
Michael & Denise, my work as a hospice chaplain is a profession you may become familiar with in the coming months, though all of us continue to pray for healing here & now. None of the families I work with want to *be* there, but I will testify that those who cling to the Lord and to loving one another most evidence Christ individually and corporately. I pray you will be blessed richly during this time, learning how precious it is to live life fully today, and how precious it is to love one another deeply. May your faith and hope in our Lord, Jesus Christ, and in the promise of our resurrection in Christ burn brighter and brighter each day. May the Lord provide you with excellent caregivers to support you in this journey, who will walk with you through all the facets of medical, emotional, family and spiritual needs that arise. And, may your local Body of Christ enfold you, support you, give you respite as you need it, magnify the love you have for one another with theirs, all to the glory of God.
I was with a family last night and we prayed together over their mother before her body was taken from her home. 1 Cor. 15:35-58 is the scripture which I read, with their permission: “What I am saying, brothers and sisters, is this: flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God, nor does the perishable inherit the imperishable. Listen, I will tell you a mystery! We will not all die, but we will be changed, in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. …When this perishable body puts on imperishability and this mortal body puts on immortality, then the saying that is written will be fulfilled: ‘Death has been swallowed up in victory. Where O Death, is your victory? Where, O Death is your sting?’ The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ…” One of the family members burst out with a “Hallelujah!!”, mid-reading. May your faith be realized through your journey, now and always, on this journey every single one of us will take one day. What we sow does not come to life unless it dies – may we all strive to sow our lives as well, as honestly, as humbly, conforming to Christ, each day.
Thank you for your ministry to all of us, Michael and Denise. As you are together in life, so I see the Internet Monk ministry as the ministry of two-joined-as-one. May you both love your children well, with all your hearts, and may the Spirit of the Lord minister to them as to you both.
I want to cry, reading this update. Prayers will continue to be lifted up to you both as Mike’s eternal life journey begins to transition from soul-in-body to soul-in-heaven.
I’ve read your blog from time to time, am very saddened by this news. But I know you will have the joy of the Lord, in seeing Him face to face. My prayers are with you, may angels surround you. In His love.