Comments on: From David Hayward, The Naked (or Nekkid) Pastor

By: Nick

Nick — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 21:45:44 +0000

So the first drop would be roughly the sermon on the mount –

“Wow that’s a bit tough, I want to keep eyeing up the ladies, I’ll go back to the preacher who said ‘you can look but don’t touch’ this Jesus is too strict”

The next must be the whole bit in John 6:

“He said WHAT??!! That’s disgusting, this guy is crazy, he wants us to eat him, like literally!” (perhaps the first example of over literalistic interpretation of Jesus’ words?)

And of course the final drop would be the crucifixion:

“well that Messiah was a disaster, we didn’t even get a real fight! Back to fishing until the next one comes along, then it’ll be Roman backside kicking time!”

Of course if we looked at the next time period…

By: CJ

CJ — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 18:19:47 +0000

Ha! Good stuff. I’m glad I found this site; ever since The Wittenburg Door stopped publishing its magazine, I’ve been hurting for good satire.

By: Fr. Ernesto

Fr. Ernesto — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 04:58:00 +0000

Hmm, sad to say, our highest recent attendance was for a funeral. This reminds me of a poster put out several years ago by a Christian ad project that showed a casket being carried by six pallbearers (only the hands showed) asking something like: will it take six strong men to get you back to church?

By: Myrddin

Myrddin — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 01:09:42 +0000

Brilliant.

By: rampancy

rampancy — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 22:10:31 +0000

If (hypothetically) Jesus came back as a pastor, would he fair any better? When the cultural warfare neo-cons couldn’t bend him to their agendas, they would start a smear campaign that would make the Pharisee’s entrapments look like child’s play. If he didn’t tickle the ears of the congregation, he would be run out of town on a rail. Just imagine if the denomination central office saw attendance fall off like that! Imagine if he dined with “sinners”?

Reminds me of the controversial Boondocks episode “The Return of the King” which has a similar situation unfold only with Martin Luther King emerging from a coma instead of Jesus returning.

By: Brian

Brian — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 20:58:33 +0000

John and Patrick H hit the nail right on the head

By: dumb ox

dumb ox — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 18:32:51 +0000

How about the telling people to keep quiet about His miracles? Just think of the missed publicity opportunity? Think of the souls that could have been “reached”.

From the sounds of Isaiah 53, Jesus is too plain-looking to do well on religious television. What if he overturns the money tables of the faith-prosperity charlatans? How intolerant and judgemental! And preaching with authority: what? another rival stepping into the evangelical leadership vacuum? The competition would eat him alive.

The only audience he would have is with the poor, outcast and hopless…hmmm, the same audience he had the first time!

By: Kenny Johnson

Kenny Johnson — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 17:59:17 +0000

It reminds me of a sermon I heard from Francis Chan (Cornerstone), where he said that if Jesus had a church in the same town as his, that his church would be more popular than Jesus’.

By: Kat

Kat — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 16:59:20 +0000

Well, you’ll always have a bigger crowd at the pot luck than at the prayer meeting.

By: John

John — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 16:40:52 +0000

Church recovery plan 2010:

1) Split services by age to be more “relevant”
2) Life Coaches
3) Life Groups
4) Coffee bar; casual rec room service; video feed
5) Rockin’ praise band, preferably comprised of good looking people
6) More buildings (and money)
7) Topical “relevant” sermons on life issues and self-help topics(gospel optional).

Church recovery plan AD 33:

1a) Empty tomb. 1b) Resurrected Jesus.