Comments on: Divorce, Remarriage and the Gospel 6: More Jesus

By: Rocky Winters

Rocky Winters — Sun, 12 Apr 2009 20:48:32 +0000

I have searched and prayed for answers about divorce since my parents divorce when I was 12 years old. I also found myself the victim of divorce from my own marriage.

In my parent’s case, my dad ran off with a busty blond. In my case, my unbelieving spouse abandoned me sexually and Satan came in and destroyed my marriage. 1 Corinthians 7:5

Here’s what I have concluded:

God hates divorce. Malachi 2:16

He also forgives. 1 John 1:9, John 8:1-11

If you seek answers to divorce according to the law, then you will be condemned by the law.

If you confess your sin…and seek His forgiveness, you will be forgiven by His Eternal Grace.

Your choice: Guilt or Grace!?

Christ died as our punishment. He who knew no sin, became sin for us (2 Corinthians 5:21).

How cool is that?!

By: mike culver

mike culver — Sun, 18 May 2008 05:04:48 +0000

I have enjoyed reading all the posts left, it does give much food for thought. I have been divorced for 16 years and never lived with or shacked with anyone. It does leave you lonely and yes i love god and am so glad he is a patient loving god. although i wish my marriage had worked out i still do wish for that companion who loves god and worships him on a daily basis, but i wonder if that makes me guilty as well….

mike

By: donna

donna — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 02:38:55 +0000

Mary,

I 100 per cent agree that staying in such a marriage has consequences that would hurt all children. My husband was married and divorce when i had met him. Since our marriage my life has been a misery. To cut this short I divorced him after 15 awful years only to re marry him because I was made to feel so bad by my church family. 11 years later and the children have flown the nest. They are ALL affected. I am so hurt and because of the fact that I am a Christian and really do not like divorce the time spent in this marriage has been awful. Arguing – drinking alchohol and abandonment are just a few of the problems that have returned. The thing i really want to know is Does God not understand there are times when a divorce is needed? As A Loving Father in Heaven he knows we are NOT perfect. I have 3 grown children and i love them so much. If I can overlook their mistakes then how much more can a loving Father in heaven forgive mone? No Offence nobody should be made to stay in a marriage that has them isolated – hurt and often beyond despair. My grown children will not marry because “their minds are screwed up”. I should have left at the very first time I was to suffer from domestic violence and also abandonment. My heart goes out to all who suffer and especially those who remain in marriages because they fear God. I dont think i could marry again and am thankful to all who have shared their views here. GBU and Thanks for talking about this subject.

By: Mary

Mary — Thu, 20 Jul 2006 19:25:21 +0000

I grew up with parents who should have divorced. In fact, in high school we begged them to divorce. My mother and father were violent with each other and fought horribly every day for my entire growing up life. They called each other the worst names. How they had 5 kids I never did figure out. But I never saw a loving moment between them. As adults, my brothers are both alcoholics. My oldest sister is so afraid of ending up like Mom that she never married. (She’s 62 now and lonely, riddled with regrets.) My other sister and I are both divorced and remarried having made terrible choices the first time around. My mother wouldn’t leave the marriage because her Christian values said she couldn’t. So staying married in their case screwed up 5 more lives in a way that is as bad, or worse, than a divorce ever could have.

By: Irene

Irene — Tue, 04 Jul 2006 00:44:55 +0000

PS. For those who are left by their spouses or leave spouses who are terribly abusive (meaning horrible ways), usually their second marriages are better and blessed, but no easier… they still have their problems. But usually people will try harder in the second marriage as well — because now they know they don’t want to go thru what they went thru already. Some spouses come home, their pride is broken. Some spouses will not come home because it is a matter of pride. I have studied divorce and questioned people who have divorced, are divorcing, and children who have experienced it… and those who leave their spouses for another person or “success” or the lie of a better life or more happiness or money — shallow reasons often find themselves bound to a person twice to four-times worse, and with more issues, than the person they left. That, as a child of divorce myself, I find a bit amusing. Scripture says how we measure it to others — IT WILL be measured back to and upon us. Divorcer beware… how you treat your spouse will come back upon you. Your pride may not let you see it… but others watching know… and see it.

By: Irene

Irene — Tue, 04 Jul 2006 00:39:22 +0000

I am the child of a divorce. Divorced. My father left my mother, was a minister that ran off with the organist. My sister was left by her husband, a christian. My brother was left by his wife, a Christian. All supposedly Christian. Divorce is an exuse not to pray and believe that God is big enough to help us love someone unloveable. We only love God who we can’t see… as much as we love our spouse… who we can see. I think the idea of people making excuses for their behavior rings much more true. There are dangerous situations where one spouse needs to leave where their spouse is abusive (and I mean to the point of being able to kill them… not the little verbal stuff that some people make so much “to do” about). If Jesus laid his life down for us… and we are suppose to lay our lives down for others… why not for a “spouse” who we vowed (many of us before God) to love all the days of our lives. I personally think that many of us are just not loyal or faithful to anyone or anything that costs us. I think that divorce is too easy… I know people who prayed for their marriages in the worst of circumstances — it wasn’t easy adultry, pornography, abuse of every kind… and God showed up and dealt with the hard-hearted mean spouse. The scripture tells us that God wants us to be Thankful and prayerful in all things. That is His will. Divorcing our spouses is not a “thankful” or prayerful response… Love is the only thing that doesn’t fail… and love endures and perseveres. When has the church in America persevered thru anything lately? We are about ourselves — what makes us happy. If you read the new testament or the old — God wasn’t about making people happy or successful. There is no place in scripture where it says God worries that we might not be happy with Him. It does say that testing will come — and those who are faithful recieve the crown of victory. I’m really sick of “I’m sorry” where there has bene no effort to love or heal. I’m tired of the easy Christianity that gives nothing to the hurting… but instead leaves hurting people to fend for themselvesto go have a good time. Christianity is about being there for one another and it starts in the home. No — you can’t keep a marriage together if your spouse leaves you — but who of you knows that your prayers may not bring the saving grace of God into their lives and a “new wine” into your marriage? Divorce is too easy in the church. Those who don’t go to church have better marriages — because they don’t have the expectations of “easy” and “successful” and “looking good on the outside”. The church is too superficial. Excuses show the kind of people we are… even in truth. My spouse left me. He got tired of working at marriage. He wanted “success” and “ease” of life. My illness wasn’t what he wanted out of life — it made it too difficult for him. He didn’t understand it and didn’t want to take the time to understand “life from my perspective”. Where is the compassion for our spouses? We only love God as much as we love the person we hate the most… We can see them… we can love God thru them… The choice to wait for a spouse to return is for the individual — but Jesus calls us to be like Him… and He waits for us… even when we have been unfaithful to Him. I guess the question is more about “who do I want to be like”? Do I want to be like Jesus or every other guy? I think divorces within the marriages of those who claim to be church goers is hire than those who don’t go.

By: ddickens

ddickens — Mon, 05 Jun 2006 16:45:57 +0000

I was out of town for a week and missed the continuation of this topic.

I’m facinated by the amount of material and “thinking” you’ve put into this topic. I tend not to be so comprehensive (ok, part of me is thinking “convoluted”, but that’s just me being negative).

I’m still stuck on the larger issue. What does God want from us if it isn’t clear what God wants?

By: ed lebert

ed lebert — Fri, 26 May 2006 20:59:43 +0000

I don’t think anybody’s going to disagree with your conclusions, Michael. But the burning question isn’t “Are we sinners saved by grace?” but rather “Is divorce and remarriage sin?”. You can’t assert you’re a sinner saved by grace unless you assert you’re a sinner. Is divorce and remarriage sin according to Jesus? Yes. Therefore we should not counsel a Christian to remarry after divorce.

Yes Jesus died on a cross for our sin – but that is the only way we are cleansed of them. We are not free from the guilt of divorce and remarriage because
1. we were young and foolish,
2. our spouse was evil,
3. it’s just too hard to be unmarried now
4. our second marriage is much better,
5. we were only married for six months so it really doesn’t count.

The big picture is Jesus on a cross for our sin. The women at the well is embraced by Jesus on the grounds of the cross, not her excuses. Therefore we should embrace and forgive eachother on the grounds of the cross, not our excuses.

My father is the woman at the well. If one day he asks Jesus, “Sir, give me this water.” nobody will be able to condemn him – not because he has excuses, but because he has a savior.

By: selkie1970

selkie1970 — Fri, 26 May 2006 12:20:40 +0000

Wow –
What a great series. I just sat and read them all at once. I come from a little different perspective, but also a practical one. I am a family law attorney (read: divorce lawyer) by profession. As you can imagine, it gave my evangelical family some consternation when I made that choice. My reasons for my choice were myriad, but suffice it to say that I took my role to be “pouring oil on troubled waters” as much as possible, and if I could convince one or two clients to work on their marriages rather than ending them, all the better.

I have often thought that modern Christians put far too much emphasis on the dangers and “badness” of divorce and remarriage. As you have, I have heard numerous comments and sermons over the years on this topic. However, I have never heard someone seriously take Jesus’ advice and “gouge his eyes” out for looking at a woman lustfully.

My greatest wish is that the church would put the issue of sexuality in the larger context of living a Christ-centered life. I believe that Christians are coming around to this, with the explosion of discussion about various sexual addictions, etc. But for many years, the only acknowledgement that we are made to be sexual beings was the admonition to marry (early) and stay married. Which is a difficult teaching these days, especially to those of us Gen-Xers who were never given tools to deal with our sexuality as we remained unmarried well into our thirties. “Nice girls don’t, and guys don’t either” wasn’t particularly helpful.

Anyhow. Well-written and thougthful series.

By: Steve Sensenig

Steve Sensenig — Fri, 26 May 2006 10:52:57 +0000

…it is not a text that should erase the one who offered living water to a five time marriage loser, as she was, in the marriage where Jesus found her.

Even more importantly, I think, is that she was in a relationship that wasn’t even marriage, and yet we still don’t see Jesus addressing that (other than to amplify on her “I don’t have a husband” comment).

This has been a very good series, Michael. And I think you’ve done justice to all the positions and understandings of this. I can’t remember now off the top of my head if you dealt with this particular aspect, but I find it very interesting that many who will claim to take Jesus’ words at face value (i.e., no divorce except for adultery) — which by the way, I’m not in any way demeaning taking Jesus’ words at face value! — usually end up adding other “exceptions” in, such as physical abuse.

While I certainly don’t fault people for saying that people in a physically abusive situation should get out (I pretty much feel the same way about it), I think it’s a bit tricky to say that we’re using Jesus’ words as the rule, and then start adding our own exceptions to it.

Did I say that in a way that made sense? Anyway, great series, Michael. I need to go back and re-read it now that all these posts are done.

steve