I will be suing Jared Wilson. Get lawyered up.

All resemblance to any actual, existing blogs is purely coincidental. I couldn’t possibly be referring to you.

Seriously though, I do want to be helpful. I can work on many of these things myself, otherwise they wouldn’t be in my head to tell you.

1. It’s too personal. Personal is good. Too personal and I don’t care. I should know enough about your life to understand you. I shouldn’t know what you are doing with your homeschooled kids every day or how your sheets gave you a rash. Know what “TMI” stands for and blog accordingly.

2. You have no sense of humor. You can’t laugh at yourself. You don’t find normal things funny. Your blogging is too killer serious about religion, marriage, kids, church, politics, etc. You can’t tell jokes. You don’t post funny pics. You’re sour and easily offended. Blogging without humor disqualifies it from being edifying and helpful to my mental health.

You constantly tell us that your views perfectly reflect the mind of God, but you never laugh after saying it. [Continue reading]

***Music by The Doors: “The End.”***

There was an elf that met the children at the door. Also in this room was a store that had Barbies, action figures, Brats Dolls, and all of the most popular items that you would find in a Toy-R-Us catalog the day after Thanksgiving. In order for kids to get the merchandise, they had to say a memory verse and earn store credits. The first thing my kids said to me when I went to pick them up was ”Daddy, can we start going to this church?” Can you blame them? For kids, this was a dream church.

If you listened to the interview I just did on Steve Brown, Etc., you may recall a moment when Steve and Eric asked me what was wrong with evangelicalism, and I said it was over. Steve gave a more hopeful view and I admitted that there were some hopeful signs out there, well off the media radar and among ordinary people.

Well Steve, it was a moment of weakness. You were being nice and I fell under your influence. But then I read C. Michael Patton’s post “The Entertainment Driven Church,” and I realized I was right: Evangelicalism is over. Long live post-evangelicalism. (Whatever we are/it is.) [Continue reading]

Donny Deutsch’s reaction to Ann Coulter’s claim that it would be good if all people were Christians is about as good a tour of the postmodern cul de sac as you’ll find anywhere. Read the conversation, then report back here for class.

Dear Donny,

I like your program. I really do. I wish all my students would watch it.

And I really don’t care much for Ann Coulter. Way too strident. Always looking for the shock line. Especially don’t understand her as a spokesperson for Christianity, but hey, what can I say?

But Donny…..Donny, Donny, Donny, Donny, Donny….. [Continue reading]

I’ve closed the comments on this one since the original post containing the comment was removed. You can still read my response here. [Continue reading]

UPDATE: Go into the comments and read the post by Pastor Scott Dontanville. Just go read it.

For those of you who are going to write me a hurt/angry note saying I’m picking on your church, I’m not. And if I am, I don’t know you anyway, so there’s no need to complain.

I just spent ten minutes reading something I’ve read/heard hundreds of times before: an established, traditional church, experiencing some signs of aging, goes through a process diagnosing its problems, developing/selling a plan for the future and asking the congregation to work with the leadership to bring the church through a period of decline into a future of growth and prosperity.

In those plans are predictable words: Plans. Consultants. Marketing. Children. New Staff. New facilities. New families. Communication. Outreach. Programs. Growth. [Continue reading]

UPDATE: TSK goes through the rumor mill and separates fact from fiction from bullxxxt. (If I was in Seattle I could say that.)

I listened to Mark Driscoll’s “Banned Video” presentation, wrote two posts, scraped both, and then tried to figure out what’s bothering me.

I finally think I have it. If you haven’t watched it, here it is.

First, the obligatory paragraph: I love Mark. He preaches the gospel. He’s straight on about Jesus. I love his books. I love his approach to church planting. I share his burden for guys. I like the comic edge. I’ve defended him in these pages and will continue to do so. [Continue reading]

It’s been a while since I did an old-school “iMonk-rants-about-evangelicals” post, but all of them are still there in the essays department. Someone could assume- wrongly, I assure you- that those criticisms all came from the days when I was a Calvinist, and now that I’ve jumped off that bus, I have no problems with anything going on anywhere. Not true at all, to say the least. I’m more aware of the problems in evangelicalism than ever, and more grieved by many of them.

In my seven years of blogging on Internet Monk, I’ve covered a lot of ground in evaluating evangelicals. Unlike whack job critics who see Dallas Willard as the antiChrist, and eastern mysticism under every rock or like bunkered fundamentalist critics committed to their own version of exclusive infallible papism, I want to make my criticisms from a broadly “catholic” and post-evangelical point of view. (Yes, “post-evangelicalism” wants to keep a lot of evangelicalism intact. In fact, you will soon be reading several posts aimed at potential converts to the Roman Catholic Church, jumping up and down shouting, “Don’t do it!”)

So let’s check in with what the iMonk feels are some of the most egregious and foolish of current evangelical blunders. Here’s your raw meat (in no particular order, btw), people. Get your forks and find a good fire. [Continue reading]

A good friend mailed me a note the other day, asking my opinion of a book that was all the rage in his megachurch. It’s not the first time we’ve had that conversation. We’ve covered this ground many times because his church, like most of American megachurch evangelicalism, often behaves like a group of consumerist sheep looking for a shepherd. Such shepherds are supplied these days by Joel Osteen products, Rick Warren products, Jabez prayers and products, Left Behind books and games, Beth Moore products, Joyce Meyer products, Thomas Kincaid products, Max Lucado books and products, and so on and so on and so on. [Continue reading]

It’s about time.

I’ve been critical of Baptist Press on a daily basis over at the BHT, so when they do something right, I’m going to speak up. This BP post acknowledging that (stand back!) Rick Warren’s “Purpose Driven Church” methodology is splitting and tearing apart some churches whose pastors “implement” the plan is way overdue, on-target and true. ***Applause*** [Continue reading]

UPDATE: One of the watchbloggers has finally gone after Luther and the LCMS Lutherans. I can’t think of a more deserving group of people. Thankfully, someone is courageous enough to expose Luther for the false teacher that he was.

Our story begins with the following quote from Dr. John Piper: [Continue reading]

UPDATE: Here’s My Review of End of the Spear”

Chad Allen is a homosexual activist, and an actor playing a martyred missionary and his son. Some people can’t stand it. Sounds like the outrage of the Gospel to me.

Some indeed preach Christ from envy and rivalry, but others from good will. The latter do it out of love, knowing that I am put here for the defense of the gospel. The former proclaim Christ out of rivalry, not sincerely but thinking to afflict me in my imprisonment. What then? Only that in every way, whether in pretense or in truth, Christ is proclaimed, and in that I rejoice. Yes, and I will rejoice… Philippians 1:15-18 [Continue reading]

Several weeks ago, the Internet Monk research department received one of those requests that, well…in all honesty, they decided was probably best to just lose somewhere on the desk. Not everything I request from my dedicated researchers is worth their time our your readership, and I appreciate their interest in my well being. This request, however, was important to me, and after allowing time for something to surface in response, I had to make one of those phone calls where I threw a hissy fit, slapped a few employees around, and finally got my way.

Today, the document has appeared, and is now here, to enlighten all of you who have been asking yourself that question that won’t go away: How did you tick them off so bad?

I’m glad you asked. Now, live, direct and without commercial interruption, the IM Research department brings you: Who? Me? How I Became A Pariah In The Reformed Blogosphere (Complete with additional material.)

#1 I wrote “I’m Not Like You.”

It’s right there for all of you to read, and frankly, I still can’t figure out what’s such a big deal about this essay. It was written after some of my stuff on inerrancy (more on that later) and seemed, by some, to be an “attack” on Calvinists. As any average fifth grade reader can see, the essay attacks no one, and simply states….why I am different from other people. It is provocative, to get readers to think, which isn’t a new thing on my site.

It was this essay that James White autopsied at his site, More about that later, as well, but on to #2.

#2 I announced that I treated Roman Catholics as my fellow Christians.

There are a couple of essays involved in this, but the main one was, “The River Is Deep.”

I grew up in strongly anti-catholic circles, but I was hardly prepared for what this essay got me from the Truly Reformed (more about them later.) As I’ve been told by many letter writers since, accepting Catholics as Christians is an unpardonable sin in a lot of fundamentalist circles, so this was a biggee.

I know this puts me in the minority, but then my life puts me in the minority, doesn’t it? It’s why I am living mine and you are living yours, and God will judge us both. If I should have treated my Catholic friends as non-Christians, then God will let me know.

#3 I don’t like James White.

Let me be really clear on this one, because it comes up a lot and chances are the mention of his name will get me back on the autopsy table.

I had never read a book by James White or visited his web site for more than a momentary glance when he picked up “I’m not like you” and carved it up like a thin sliced ham in several very long posts over three days in April of this year. The things White wrote about me, my ministry, my school, my church, my personality and my life were so out of the blue that I almost quit blogging on the spot. It was a “drive by experience” like none I’d ever been through. I’ve never read anyone, before or since, who tore another blogger apart line by line with such obvious relish.

What prompted this? Did I do a comic book? Nope. Pope John Paul II died, and Tim Challies posted a comment from White that said people who were talking about the dead pope as a great Christian were wrong, because he wasn’t a Christian. I reposted this, with a comment, pointing out White as a typical reformed teacher who did not believe JPII was a Christian. I said that I thought his assessment was pretty cold on such short notice.

That was it. I assume that was all true, I didn’t call any nasty names or make any degrading comments.

Well, Katie….bar the door.

For the next week, White carved me up like a turkey. White is an excellent writer and a smart guy, and he tore me apart. He denounced me as liberal, postmodern, unfit for ministry, an embarrassment, mentally ill, etc. Did I react to this? Uh….yeah. I did, as best I could. I shut down IM. I said “Ouch” a lot. I whined a bit.

The real problem erupted when fans of White (not White and not at his request) began dominating the BHT comments, leading those comments to be permanently shut down. Later, some of those same fans went to extremes that I will not repeat, but that were scary and harassing. At least one of these people continues to send profane and abusive material to me and others. (I want to be very clear that White had nothing to do with any of those people, as far as I know, though apparently, I am far from the only one to get the same treatment. I don’t think my fans are quite as devoted.)

Do I like James White? No. He likes people who I like, and who like me and know him, but the biggest struggle I have in my life as a Christian right now is what is in my heart towards James White. I deal with it daily and it grieves me. I wish we could sit down and work it out, but I don’t know what I would say and I don’t really want to have to deal with the emotions of the whole episode. I support White in much of what he does, and I know he is a good and decent man. But I’m still reeling.

4. I criticized Phil Johnson. Twice. At least.

Phil Johnson is an elder at Grace Community Church and John Macarthur’s right hand man at Grace To You, arguably the classiest radio ministry in the world. He’s a fine teacher and preacher, a webmaster for the Hall of Fame, a creative, humorous blogger, a fellow who shoots straight in a personal correspondence, and a guy who I posted critical posts about. Twice.

While I have my issues with Macarthur’s unique brand of Reformed Baptist New Puritan Dispensationalism, I’ve got shelves of his tapes and I’ve told him that I owe him a lot for helping me keep my head on straight after seminary. I also know that the Grace Community Church/Master’s Seminary Community has a reputation for “bulldogish” fighting in any theological matter.

The BHT is a theological bar, and we critique and comment on lots of various theological banter. We will post and comment on dozens of books, sermons and blog posts every day. That’s our fun. It isn’t a solo blog. We all don’t agree, and we like to see where a discussion goes. We don’t talk about our gardens much. We talk a lot of seminary coffee shop stuff. So one day, I posted concerning Phil’s chapter in Fool’s Gold critiquing N.T. Wright. I thought Phil was doing something that I had critiqued a lot on the BHT, i.e. analyzing Wright via one book and several passages, rather than reading the main Wright corpus. I defended Wright and had nothing good to say about Phil’s critique. (This was not the first or the last time I made similar posts in regard to Wright.)

Phil took offense and wrote me a letter, listing what he’d read. I still disagreed with his critique, but it was straight forward, we parted amiably and I apologized for misrepresenting his research.

Later, not having gotten enough the first time around, I also posted fairly sarcastically on the matter of academic credentials. I’ve walked this plank before, so I know how people feel. Phil didn’t like that, and I understand completely.

From there, it’s just been one repeated playground fight after another. The BHT prods at Phil irregularly, and Phil has used me and the BHT as fodder at his blog as often as possible. Usually, he is citing something said at the BHT, and he has posted positive posts about some things I’ve written. More typical, however, is today’s post which features 1) humor that is over my head, dealing with abused kids every day, as I do and 2) two outright falsehoods: No one at the BHT threw a fit about Johnson’s previous post; no one at the BHT questioned God’s sovereign control of the weather. Of course, if I say anything about not liking this game, I’ve proved every point…so shhhhhhhh.

The tragedy here is that I know, from personal correspondence, that Phil and I would and could get along. But, instead, our relationship deteriorates daily, and at this point, is a spiritual challenge to me on almost the same level as White. I should want to see these men and pray with them, and that I can’t sincerely want that is a tragedy. I say, with shame, that these men who ought to be my brothers are people that, today, I don’t believe I could converse with.

5. I frequently use the name “Truly Reformed” for a particular kind of Calvinist.

I didn’t invent that term, but I get some mileage out of it, I’ll admit. Who are the “TRs?”

They are Calvinists who believe they have the ownership papers on the Reformation, even though they don’t agree on the confessions, baptism, the regulative principle, the designated hitter, etc.

They ride the Reformed range as sheriffs on the rest of the Reformed community, especially on the blogosphere.

They regularly announce what Reformed people must believe about non-essentials (usually by making the matter an essential.)

They go well beyond the language of the confessions into their own interpretations.

The Baptists among them think the Covenant theology types are bad Calvinists. (No….that’s not a joke.)

A lot of them are mean. They may be a lot of good things, too, but they are mean and they tell you they came to fight and win. Some of them- not all- have no problem going to really extreme lengths to verbally punish those who aren’t “reformed” as they see it.

Thanks to them, I now no longer call myself a Calvinist of any kind. It really seems to annoy some of the Truly Reformed that I am a Christian at all, but I can’t help that. Predestination and all. Complain to God.

6. I don’t use the term inerrancy.

In several essays, I’ve explained why I don’t use a word no reformed confession requires me to use. You can read about it in the IM archives, in essays like this one.

I’m a Bible believer of the highest order, but I’m not a literalist on this modernistic view of scripture. Sorry.

7. Some of the Truly Reformed think I’m postmodern.

I have no idea what postmodern means. I’ve written a little bit of my confusion on IM, and you can read it for yourself. If I am, then fine. What does THAT mean? And what’s my alternative? Modernism?

8. I’ve taken the side of the NPP, N.T. Wright, Brian Mclaren and the “Emerging Church” in some discussions.

These are all a bit different, but I toss them out together because the common point was that I generally side with a broad theological discussion. I have my limits, but none of these folks get past them. I consider them all good Christians, and I support their contribution to the conversation. (Emerging word.)

Defending either Wright or Mclaren for any reason sets off bells and whistles all over the place these days, and I can’t resist the fireworks. I don’t agree with Mclaren about much of anything, but this idea that he’s some kind of devil is silly.

9. I wrote an essay that praised- and modestly criticized- John Piper.

I finally had to take it down, as the Truly Reformed were getting bizarrely up in arms over my mild suggestions that Piper might feed some kinds of fanaticism with his intense, unique kind of Calvinism. I love Piper and no one has done me more good. But it’s all or nothing in the Reformed Blogosphere.

10. I support Public Schools….and Christian schools….and homeschools.

Supporting public schools is…ahem…not a popular position with many evangelicals. Enough said. You can explore that at IM, too.

[The following letter is an opportunity to talk to the many Christian young people who feel disapproval from family and church in their pursuit of an artistic vocation. In my experience, many of these young people abandon their Christian faith as they go through rejection and misunderstanding. This letter is an encouragement and some advice regarding staying on the path of following Christ into an artistic vocation.]

Dear Andrew,

So very good to hear from you. I can’t believe that your third year of college is approaching. Time passes so quickly. It only seems a few weeks ago that you were in senior English, writing essays about the elements of literature. Now you are on your way to Chicago for a year studying photography with professionals. All of us are very proud of you, and I am personally honored that you’ve kept in touch.
[Continue reading]

At least once a month, someone writes me about their youth minister. What to do…what to do…what to do….with the zealous, sincere, yet wrong-headed young fellow who is about to split the church between the youth who would die for him and the adults who want to kill him.
[Continue reading]

Charles Spurgeon preached two sermons at key moments in his ministry. The first was his first sermon at New Park Street. Just a boy, he had come to the old church of John Gill, determined that the God of the Gospel would once again be heard. His topic was “The Immutability of God.”

The second, and in many ways more important, was the first sermon in the new Metropolitan Tabernacle. Spurgeon knew he was sounding a keynote. No longer a boy preacher, but a man with undreamed of success in his hand, Spurgeon sounded out a clear note on what would be heard at the new Tabernacle:

I would propose (and O may the Lord grant us grace to carry out that proposition, from which no Christian can dissent), I would propose that the subject of the ministry of this house, as long as this platform shall stand, and as long as this house shall be frequented by worshippers, shall be the person of Jesus Christ. I am never ashamed to avow myself a Calvinist, although I claim to be rather a Calvinist according to Calvin, than after the modern debased fashion. I do not hesitate to take the name of Baptist. You have there (pointing to the baptistery) substantial evidence that I am not ashamed of that ordinance of our Lord Jesus Christ; but if I am asked to say what is my creed, I think I must reply: “It is Jesus Christ.” My venerable predecessor, Dr. Gill, has left a body of divinity admirable and excellent in its way; but the body of divinity to which I would pin and bind myself for ever, God helping me, is not his system of divinity or any other human treatise, but Christ Jesus, who is the sum and substance of the gospel; who is in himself all theology, the incarnation of every precious truth, the all-glorious personal embodiment of the way, the truth, and the life.

[Continue reading]