Despite what you may have read in the kinder, gentler corners of the blogosphere recently, you would all be surprised how un-contentious I am most of the time. In my real life, I regularly run from situations where I’m being pressed for my opinion. I much prefer print as the medium of debate. In real life, I’ll nod, blink, shrug, excuse myself, suddenly remember an uncompleted task, etc. rather than get into a tug-of-war about who is right.

But I’ve also learned what it is that snags me, and it’s not always the big issues. It’s usually one word. Yes, one word can throw my switch and give me an almost irresistible yearning to argue my point.

Three examples from the last 24 hours:

1) A debate is going on several places on the blogosphere around this question: “Are the doctrinally obsessed missing the heart of Jesus?”

My answer is a simply “yes,” and the reason is one word: obsessed. You said it. Not me.

Obsessed isn’t doctrinally interested, doctrinally aware or doctrinally correct. Doctrinally obsessed isn’t someone who makes doctrine a priority or who even brings it up frequently. Obsession is….obsession. Single mindedness. Idolatry. Loss of perspective. [Continue reading]

More self-indulgent thoughts on my life. Skip if that annoys you.

In the middle of this week, I heard some seriously bad health news about a good friend. Yesterday, I had to turn down an opportunity I really wanted to accept. Last night, I got a confusing and frustrating work-related letter. Today, I’ve really struggled to relate to the three worship experiences I’ve been part of. Tonight I received an email from a major blogger bluntly telling me about the depths of my “self-absorbed” character.

I could drive myself bonkers thinking about spiritual warfare on days like today. When I was a young Christian I imagined the devil tormenting me with all these difficulties while God stood by waiting for me to do the right thing, i.e. pray some prayer, take a bold stand, rejoice….something.

Now I believe this is simply life in the fallen world. It’s being human. It’s being 53. It’s being in relationships. It’s working with people. It’s writing. It’s just a day. In fact, this collection of blue days is so much better than most people’s lives it’s embarrassing to think about it. [Continue reading]

Young folks in ministry. Adults living in regret. This is for you.

There was a time, in the last decade, that I constantly and painfully struggled with regrets about various choices I’d made in my life.

I regretted not finishing doctoral studies. (I made it 37 hours in and never finished the paper.)

I regretted staying in youth ministry so long. (13 years full time, then back for 18 years where I am after 4 years as a pastor.)

I regretted staying in Kentucky. (I had opportunities to go to Oxford, Mississippi and to Texas, but followed my hillbilly instincts.)

I regretted that so many of my friends were pastors of First Baptist Churches and I never got close. (The cost of not getting that Dr. degree.)

I regretted a bunch of stuff I can’t talk about. (You don’t want to know.)

Sometimes, I’ve honestly regretted staying at one ministry in the mountains of Appalachia for most of two decades. There was a time I was constantly called to do speaking and seminars, but almost from the day I came here those opportunities stopped. Say what you want, when you’re in the mountains of southeast Kentucky, you’re off the radar. It can be very disorienting. [Continue reading]

Greg is a former student and good friend. I learned today that he has left the faith.

The last time I saw Greg (Not his real name), he looked like he was walking away from it all.

I had a premonition at the time that Greg was troubled. He looked unsettled. I’d heard he was thinking of leaving college. His talk of an art history degree last year in my AP English IV class was just the kind of parrot talk that bright kids learn to repeat. They usually don’t know what they are talking about, and Greg was just humoring irrelevant adults like myself.

What really captured him was the outdoors, exploring, and a new girlfriend who kept him on the road on weekends. School wasn’t putting any light in his eyes, but the fire was gone elsewhere as well.

The last time I saw Greg, the fire of his faith was burning low. I should have known where things were going. It’s all quite familiar now.

He wanted some books on philosophy. I gave him Somerset Maugham’s novel of a man who follows his own path, The Razor’s Edge. [Continue reading]

I’ve got a new hot button. I experienced it this week and I think it’s best to warn the general public that until I make some progress in sanctification, pushing this button could result in an ugly scene.

(Before I say this, I know there are a bunch of books on this subject and I’ve read some of them. I could just recommend a good book, but I need to get this off my chest.)

My new hot button is “You need to pray until you find God’s will.”

First of all, I believe in God, and I believe he has a will. I believe God sovereignly runs the universe pretty much like the Westminister/Second London Confessions say, though I have absolutely no idea what that means other than God is in control in a way I can’t understand and am not capable of understanding. (My brain is too small.) It’s an assertion, and as much as I know God only in Jesus, it’s a comfort. [Continue reading]

I have no idea why I like this so much.

From November of ‘08, one of my favorite meditations on Jesus. And you should pre-order Jared’s book. And read Ross Douthat’s column on Dan Brown.

The other day a strange feeling came over me.

Don’t get me wrong about what I’m about to say here. It was just a feeling. I’m not claiming any powers of discernment or certainty.

I got the distinct feeling there’s something wrong with a lot of people who say they are Jesus-followers/believers.

If you want to supply your own vocabulary, like “aren’t saved” or “aren’t Christians,” do so at your own risk. I’m not saying that. (There’s other blogs for that game, if you are burning to know.)

No, but it was as plain as daylight to me that when I hear a lot of people talk about Jesus, I feel like I am hearing….an abbreviation. [Continue reading]

Just in case you haven’t picked up: this is a chance for readers to comment on things that are meaningful to them in spiritual practice. No one is being told they are a bad Christian if they don’t see Jesus in the toast. Human beings aren’t quite as unattached to matter as some of our gnostic-fundamentalist friends would like us to think. Little things that give our senses a connection to what we believe are meaningful. Just like some of you tear up when you hear a song or see a family Bible or church cemetery.

Top Picture: Pantocrator Jesus icon. From my classroom. Available from Conciliar Press, who really ought to be advertising here. A wonderful icon of Jesus that I try to keep close to me when I’m teaching.

Middle: A very nice Franciscan cross that is in my classroom. It prompts a lot of discussion. I have a poster of a larger one. This cross has a lot of the Gospel witnesses on it as well as other symbolism. It reminds me that God spoke to Francis to “rebuild” from the ruins, not to build a megachurch from scratch. [Continue reading]

From left to right:

A custom made metal cross given to me as a gift many years ago in high school by my good friend and mentor Tom Meacham. The cross is empty and says, “He is Alive!” Tom was my introduction to Anglicanism, C.S. Lewis, all things Inter-Varsity and many good times. [Continue reading]

I’m not very good at math, and I’m worse at being a Jesus follower, but even a stopped clock is right twice a day.

I starting doing some personal math this morning as I started my day, and I made a discovery.

I could no longer deny that a lot of things add up in my life; they add up to an area where sin has taken a deep root.

The last few months, I keep bumping into the same kind of feedback in my immediate environment from people who know me and observe me. When I first heard it, I was angry and defensive. I should know right away that defensive is a signal all is not well.

That feedback may not have been flawless, but I’m not convinced some of it is true.

A number of relationships changed, and I blamed the other persons. I’m not “unblaming” them entirely now, but I see something I didn’t see before. [Continue reading]

Sometimes someone else’s sins become the light of seeing our own.

Several years ago I was working with a particularly difficult young church staff member. His pattern was to do everything his way, and when negative consequences arrived, to be completely defensive. Insight into his own character wasn’t much of an interest. Finding others guilty was. His personal drama usually involved anger and outrage, always featuring his own innocence as the main character.

Keeping this young man placated became a full-time job. As his own ministry deteriorated, his skills at blaming others never lost steam. He was a master at claiming to be persecuted when, in fact, he simply was not doing his job. [Continue reading]

In a few days, Denise and I are going to make a change in our lives. We’re both 52. The kids are gone. No grandkids yet. Thirty years together. We’ve always had television.

In a few days, we’re getting rid of it. Dish TV will unhook the Dish, and we won’t have any television reception. It will be gone for good.

Yes, we know what Hulu is, so we’ll still watch House M.D., the one show we watch together. Yes, we’re thoroughly wired and know where the music, news and podcasts are found. I’m keeping an eye on Boxee. I’ve thought about Apple TV, but I don’t see it at this point. [Continue reading]

Relax. It’s not a meme. Nor should it become one. Though, I feel divinely led to tag….

1. I don’t believe gay marriage is the biggest threat to the family. Not by anything approaching a long shot. I’ve worked with thousands of students in my life, and the messed up kids were messed up by divorce, absentee parents, sex, substance abuse and greed. I’ve met maybe 10 students in my life who were affected by anyone’s homosexuality.

2. I don’t believe America is a Christian nation. I actually don’t believe there is such a thing, and if there were, America wouldn’t be one. Not on paper, not from the founders and not now. We’re a secular republic and I like it that way.

3. I believe that Christian publishing does a lot of good, but I also think it does a lot of harm. All in all, we’d have to say that for all the good done, we still have a monstrous collection of lame, dangerous and outright perverse results from the various money-making adventures of the people who publish gems like “The Prayer of Jabez.” Without Christian publishing making a lot of nut jobs legitimate, things in evangelicalism would be a lot less wacky. [Continue reading]

Back in the day, I got a psych major in my undergrad work. That’s pretty ironic, believe me, in more ways than you can imagine.

I can’t say I learned a great deal, but I did begin a lifelong journey of making observations and drawing tentative conclusions about myself. If I would have paid attention to all I’ve discovered about myself, I’d have a very different life. Some psychologist can tell me why I routinely ignore the lessons I’ve learned and repeat all the same mistakes.

One thing I’ve learned is that I’ve got some holes in my personality that go a lot deeper than I can understand. They are caverns in my self-understanding; potholes in the soul, so to speak. Like a series of tunnels that connect with points in my past and experience, these dark places are imperfectly mapped, sometimes frightening and very, very real when you fall into one. [Continue reading]

When you are a 52 year old dad, and you have a 20 year old, college student son, it’s not all that unusual if you don’t have many one-on-one, personal conversations. But my son and I had a good one today, and it left me with an abundance of things to reflect on.

1. I’m incredibly grateful for my children. I love them both. Without a moment’s hesitation, I’m more proud of being their dad than of any other calling in my life.

2. When you have small children, you can simply never realize what it is going to be like to one day face them, as adults, with the realization that YOU have shaped them into the persons they will be for all of their lives. If we realized what it really means to create, nurture and shape another person in the deepest of human ways, we’d be frozen with fear. So much of what they are comes from us in ways that were unintended, or unknown or unplanned. Your children are truly a legacy of the kind of person you really are, and of how you’ve lived, how you’ve loved and what you’ve considered most important. [Continue reading]